Hold me close {{Larry one-shots and drabbles}}[ON HOLD]

Things in his head

So,Louis has an uninvited guest.
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The last thing Louis wanted was an uninvited guest in his head, and in his life.  It wasn’t like he was perfectly all right earlier, he was just a little depressed, just enough for him to think about killing himself almost every day. He had regular panic attacks and he reckons every single thing that makes a person this close to being labelled as insane. It’s not like he’s complaining, he’s used to this life somehow, he’s just made  his peace with the fact that he wasn’t going to  be having the wonderfully exciting ( well, it was exciting to Louis), the perfectly normal life his sisters and of course everyone in the world  has.

So, this uninvited guest was perhaps, the icing on the cake.

He knows that this person is in his head, he knows that he is imagining, probably hallucinating that this person is here in his life, in his head and his room.  So he decides that he is going to outright ignore the very presence of the boy. It had to be a boy and a very attractive one at that. Not that Louis noticed or is bothered about because this guy was in his head and well, that was it.

The boy is always there, every day, every minute. Standing in the corner of his room and observing him, in the library where Louis has a job, in the streets when he is walking back home, trying to not to flinch at the ever growing crowd of people. It works well for a few days; it works because Louis is watching the boy too. He memorises how green the boy’s eyes are, he watches how lithe the boy is, how curly his hair is, and those beautiful, plump lips.

The first time the boy talks to Louis is when he is busy running the blade across his wrist, watching the blood flow down his hand. It’s just one word but it’s more than enough for Louis to drop the razor, sending it clattering into the sink.  All the boy says is “Louis.”

From then Louis is fascinated, he wants to hear that voice again, and he wants to see the boy speak to him again.  But then the boy vanishes just as he had come and Louis is pushed maybe, a little further into the dark hole he’s always been. It’s only now that Louis realizes how much he had become used to the boy, how  he suddenly misses the constant presence. So he cuts again, this time a little deeper and there is a  hand clasping his, and just like that the boy is back.

“Don’t,” is all he says and Louis listens. This time the boy watches as Louis shakily wraps a bandage around his hand, trying not to cry as his skin burns like it’s on fire. They don’t talk after that but when Louis gets into bed that night, the boy is next to him, his hand tracing the bandage on Louis’s hand. They don’t talk and just as Louis’s eyes begin to close he hears the voice again.

“My name’s Harry.”

And Louis hasn’t slept this peacefully in ages.

This time Harry doesn’t go away, but when he does it’s just for a day or two and then he is back following Louis everywhere. Louis doesn’t even think of telling anyone about this, he’s had enough experiences of knowing what happens after. 

 “I’m in your head Louis,” Harry tells him bluntly one evening when they’re in the bathroom, Louis desperately searching for one of his pills. All Louis does is nod distractedly as he continues looking (he manages a half-hearted cheer when he has the bottle in his hand).  “I know that and I don’t mind.” Louis says after when he’s considerably calmer and Harry just looks on. That’s when Louis wonders if Harry’s like him but he doesn’t say anything.

They begin to talk after that, hesitantly, not delving into greater details. Harry tells him that he doesn’t have a last name all the while looking accusingly at Louis, as if it’s Louis’s fault which it is, because he’s in Louis’s head after all. They both agree that Harry needs a last name, an absolutely respectable one at that and they begin searching for possible last names.

“It’s Styles,” Harry says and Louis drops the book he is holding as he turns to look at Harry. Its two days later after they have begun to search, and Harry is sitting on the floor of the library, watching Louis put the book back in their places.

“Styles?”

“Styles. Harry Styles, has a nice ring to it.” Harry is uncharacteristically smug and Louis bursts into laughter.

“Harry Styles. Seriously?” Louis wipes away a tear and is face to face with Harry glaring at him. “That’s a ridiculous last name. You sound like some sort of, some...” Louis fumbles around for a word and Harry just looks on, annoyed. “Some sort of pretentious bastard,” Louis says triumphantly and Harry punches him in the arm, not too gently either.

But Louis agrees finally (Harry’s threats to punch him again might have helped) and that’s how Harry gets his last name. Harry Styles makes his residence permanent after that, and Louis is strangely happy and anxious at the same time.  It’s not like Louis makes miraculous recovery, no he doesn’t. He still is depressed, he still cuts, he still thinks about killing himself and he still has panic attacks.  What’s different is Harry next to him along all of that.  Harry doesn’t come running when he cuts a little deeper like the first time; he doesn’t try to reassure Louis that he is absolutely fine. What he does manage to do is to drag Louis into the life of Harry Styles, the boy who’s in Louis’s head.

And this time, Louis does feel that Harry Styles is the uninvited guest he did want in his life, in his head and maybe in his room(well...).

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This is completely ridiculous. I just wrote and wrote. Dedicated to a very special friend who goes all starry –eyed at anything I write. You know who you are. Thank you so much for the reads!!!

Well, that’s all . Bye :)