Hold me close {{Larry one-shots and drabbles}}[ON HOLD]

To be or not to be

Harry doesn’t think he needs to show that  he’s vulnerable; he doesn’t need to show the hurt. He can be strong, he can be all right, he can be everything he knows deep down inside he will never be.

So he does the next best thing- he pretends.

It actually works out well, much better, so much easier than Harry expected it would be. But then it all starts to fall apart when Louis comes into the picture. And suddenly Harry is torn between being somebody he is, and somebody he wants to be.

For Louis.

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Louis is incredibly attuned to everything Harry does, annoyingly so sometimes Harry thinks (but then he kind of begins to get used to it). He is the first to notice that Harry isn’t eating like usual, and he is the first to force Harry into finishing his measly portion of food, piling on more. Louis is quick to catch on when Harry starts to fiddle with his sleeves, nails raking over the skin. He is quick to distract Harry with something stupid, afraid that Harry won’t pay attention. But Harry does and Louis notes with relief that he doesn’t fiddle with his sleeves anymore.

Louis is the one to walk in on Harry desperately trying to throw up; he is the one who soothes Harry with hushed words, cleaning his face, carrying him to bed. Louis is the only one who has seen Harry’s scars- every one of them- and he is the only one who kisses Harry softly on the lips, instead of being horrified and asking questions.

Louis is the one Harry slowly learns to trust, he is the only one who has seen Harry cry. While Harry worries that Louis might walk away one day, never to come back, Louis tries to convince him otherwise with words, sometimes with kisses and sometimes with so much more. Louis is the one who tells Harry that it’s okay to be scared, while Harry frets and shakes his head no, because he can’t and Louis tells him that it’s okay.  It’s quite okay, Louis tells him and Harry doesn’t disagree.

Harry spends hours trying to make everything perfect and Louis sort of, just messes it up. And he smiles and tells Harry that it can’t always be perfect, and Harry doesn’t know quite what to say. He’s given up being trying to be angry with Louis because he can’t stay angry with Louis. Not when Louis smiles with his eyes crinkling, the blue in them shining just a little bit brighter, his lips against Harry’s in staccato beats, quick and gentle.

Louis pulls him back quite easily into this warmth that was uncomfortable, suffocating even in the beginning. But somewhere along the line, Harry looks forward to the same warmth when he wakes up and as he goes to sleep, and also in between.

It’s okay, Louis whispers in his ear as they fall asleep and this time Harry smiles softly as he hears that.