I want to see him, but I am scared the what ifs run like a heard of elephants in my head. He always says how beautiful I am but what if he sees me in person and changes his mind. What if I never get that I love you from him. Am I worth it to him? Is he worth the fight or flight? Miami to here, that's a long way. So scared of rejection because that is all I know from guys. Pushed down and used. My dad he isn't a dad at all and any guy I have been with hasn't fought for me one time they always let me go with the wind because to them I am not worth it and they aren't able to understand what they do to a girl when they put them down and use them for nudes or sex. My self esteem has lowered. It has been a year and I can no longer do the things I love because I let guys use and abuse me. My confidence has gone to zero and I am terrified of people or public speaking. My voice is so much softer when I talk to a stranger. Why did I let them do this to me. My mom to she puts me down so often I have lost my self in the sea of words and emotions these people have created around me. I am lost at sea and no one has come to find me.
