Begin Again

June 21st pa rin....

Isang kilalang Italian restaurant kami pumunta. Katulad sa–never mind. Keeping my heads above water ang peg ko nito habang kasama ko si mister Martè . Paano , malulunod ako sa mga kinikilos niya eh!

Nang maka settle na kami sa isang table— jusko Lord, I swear parang flashback ang moment namin ngayon. Ganitong-ganito iyong nangyari– don't you dare to ruin this thing Feny!

Suddenly I felt like I wanted to remove my cardigan. Feeling ko ang init-init ng suot ko. Naka aircon naman di ba?

Breath in breath out Feny.

Trying to make myself at ease I decided to atleast make myself familiarize the place . It's a nice and cozy place , actually. The chairs here inside are classic wooden style. The chairs outside are metal and the tables are rounded made of glass. Most of the table are made of marble and rounded shape here in the inside , some are rectangular —covered with nice cloth —especially the tables that are placed near by the window . Like ours. The paints are obviously inspired by the Italian culture. Aah, the aroma effects of coffee filled the whole room is ecstatic , it brings energy to those people who dined here. And the soothing sounds playing  right now completes the whole Italian theme.

I suddenly wished to go someday there. Paris, Italy , France...

I rested my back and put my both hands in the table while closing my eyes.

Maybe he felt that I'm not comfortable or at least trying to be comfortable, he reached my hands and place his on top of mine. Napadilat ako bigla sa mainit na mga kamay na nakapatong sa aking mga kamay.

"Hey..you okay?" I nodded and give him a smile to reassure him. Ang akala ko ay bibitaw na siya kaya I stare on our hands . It's still there.

Hihilain ko na sana  ang mga kamay ko pababa sa aking kandungan pero he insisted it to stay there. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan magtaka .

I look at him and expect to see a blank and cold eyes. But instead, I saw how he's relax and ....at peace.  He's staring at me trying to convince me that I'm safe with him. That it's okay . Thats everything's normal . But no.

Of course hindi ito normal . He's my boss at secretary niya ako. Yes his my crush pero hindi naman ako tanga na 'strike while the iron is hot' , hindi ako ganoon! Ang ayoko ay iyong pagtitinginan ako ng mga katrabaho ko na may bahid ng kung ano.

Umiling ako at mabagal na hinila pa-baba ang mga nakakulong kong mga kamay mula sa kanya.

I tried to act cool when deep inside gusto ko nang mag-wala sa sobrang pagka bigla. When deep inside there's a small hope na unti-unting namumuo sa ka loob-looban ko. It's like a low pressure area na unti-unting nagiging isang malaking bagyo na maaring makasira sa bawat hagupit at lakas nito. At ayokong mangyari sa akin iyon. I may be crushing on him but I will not take the risk to be with  him lalo na hindi maganda ang naging paghihiwalay nila ng kanyang ex. And besides four months pa lang ako sa kompanya , I wanted friends not enemies.

The waiter came and placed the menu on our table. Isang pasada lang ay mas pinili ko ng umorder kaagad para hindi makaalis ang waiter . Dahil carbonara lang ang naiintindihan ko rito iyon na rin ang ini-order ko with ice tea. Sagot naman ata ni sir . Or okay lang din na KKB kami. He gave also his order and dismissed the waiter .

And so the time of us being alone again came. I smiled at every person I see inside and keep my eyes everywhere , anywhere but him. Trying to act so amused .

"I'm sorry–" at first it wasn't clear to me kung kanino nanggaling ang mga salitang iyon. But when he finally catches my eyes I can't help but feel trap.

I gave him my sincere smile and still battling if I'll say something or just continue to smile.

But then with the looks of him he's ready and waiting for me to say something .

"Wala po iyon Mister Martè .." Maarte lang po talaga kayo that's what I really wanted to add pero baka mag dilim dito sa loob ng restaurant kaya 'wag na lang.

Dumating ang waiter na may dala-dalang tubig kaya napainom agad nun.

"So how's your father?" I was caught off guard with his question but I still manage to smile. At dahil tinanong niya ko..sasagutin ko rin siya .

"Ay naku sir, di ba nagpaalam po ako sa inyo na aalis para magsimba? Naku nakipag patayan pa ko sa mga tao makasakay lang ng bus..." And it goes on and on.

Alam niyo naman pag nagkwento ako with matching action and sound effect pa iyan. Maski mahaba pa ang kwento ko mai-kwento ko lang. But the fact na he was there, trying to catch up sa mga language na ginagamit ko he is still eager to know all the details.

Just like what happened to us in Cebu . I smiled on that thought. Sometimes , he will make a face  kapag hindi niya masyadong ma-gets. Sometimes he snorted of how he choose not to believe how the things happened or the causes of the situation . And the best part is how he suppress the smile or laugh whenever he found the situation funny and amusing. Yep, that's how he is alright.

Well on my side, I never contain or tried to contain with the way I laugh. Minsan nga ata nadadala siya sa tawa ko . Iyong tawa ko ba naman na parang walang bukas, with matching hampas pa sa mesa at  palakpak. Sometimes I even hold my throat and throw upward my head just to justify how laughable a certain situation is. Bahala na yung mabibingi!

I even enjoyed my food. Ang sarap ng ....basta may carbonara na word,nila dito! I will definitely come back here for sure!

Sobrang enjoy ang usapan , more like iyong kwento ko, kasi ni hindi siya nagsasalita puros facial expression lang ang ginagawa. Buti na lang magaling akong magbasa ng mukha. Nice!

But you know , seeing him smiling –at least , it's like he's finally accepting me to be his secretary . Dati kasi parang hindi niya tanggap eh. It's a good sign though.

It's already past 2pm when we finished our food sa sobrang haba ng kwento ko. But instead of going back to the office we even stayed there for a few hours or so.

With a cup of coffee , we shared our post-birthday together until night.