Redemption {Negan FanFic}

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Why does it hurt to love? Why now that I am in love I don't want to be. I use to think as a teenager that once you were in love with someone life got better; that life would be perfect and I could live happily ever after. I thought finding someone to fall in love was the hard part...no. being in love is the worst battle. An even worse battle is when you fall in love with someone you shouldn't love.

"Kit!" A voice yelled, kicking me out of my thoughts.

I looked up to see my brother, Rick. He was crossing his arms in the doorway...of the closet I sat in. He was raising an eyebrow at me with a puzzled expressing. I just stared back at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Well?" He said to me as if I did something wrong.

Now I was the puzzled one. "What?" I sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek.

"You didn't hear a word I said? I was here for a good two minutes talking to you..." He said. I just shook my head. He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Why are you sitting in your closet...crying...again."

I forgot I was crying. I was lost in thought...and now that Rick is talking to me I have forgotten what I was thinking about.

I've been very off lately; very spacey and everything is just a blur. I can't remember events throughout the day, and I can never keep track of the time. I always tend to space out and get off task. There is no end to the day, it just seems like all the days are mashed into one big blob I can't remember well.

I've gone to people about it. I've tried to talk about it to Rick and ask for help but everyone I go to say the same thing. Wake up and move on. Yeah? Okay.

"I was just...uh..." I tried to explain myself but my words I had planed faded away slowly.

"Okay, Kit..." he cut me off.

"Do you need something?" I asked hopeful that maybe someone actually needed or wanted my help.

"Oh...no," he said. My shoulders dropping. "I just was checking on you. It's around twelve in the afternoon and you haven't come out of your house."

I looked to my feet. "I was just about to go on a walk..." I mumbled. I lied.

"Okay," He nodded, backing up. "I'll be out on a run if you need anything."

I simply nodded. He stood there for a long moment, not saying anything until he finally left the room, and left the house. Leaving me in my silence again.

I hit my head against the wall, sniffling up the rest of my tears. I finally decided to stand myself up and get dressed.

I pulled on jeans and a jacket, almost forgetting shoes while I was halfway out the door. I then left my house, almost cringing before walking outside thinking of having to face more people.

I walked down the steps, and to the sidewalk, starting to walk but not really going anywhere. I didn't have anything else to do.

As I was walking I heard a loud thud behind me. I spun around in surprise. I scanned the area around me to see what could have made that noise to find Mae, one of the ladies who works in the food pantry picking up a box that was on the ground she must have dropped. I stood there and watched her struggle, thinking in whether or not to ask to help. I though I would try, and walked up to her.

"Hey, do you need my help?" I asked her as politely as possible.

She looked up at me, her expression going cold when her eyes met mine. She looked down, and picked up the box. "No. I got it." She said. She shoved past me, starting to walk away. "You've helped enough." She mumbled as she passed me.

I stood there not saying anything. I felt my throats tighten and tears start to cloud my eyes. I swallowed my tears though.

I'm going to say it now. Negan ruined me. Negan has taken over my mind.