Redemption {Negan FanFic}

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I sat there on the small, thin mattress I had for a bed in my little room. I banged my head slightly against the wall behind me while I should be trying to sleep. But I couldn't even think of sleeping. Just sitting in this room gave me a sickening feeling. I couldn't believe I was back here. I couldn't believe I allowed myself to do this. I am ridiculous.

Why am I even trying to be with Negan? He isn't trying. He doesn't want me like I was him. I would walk thousands of miles for him. I only did this thinking I maybe had a chance at making things better. Maybe I would actually be able to live here. I know I'm crazy for leaving my family. My blood. Fiends. My home. All for someone who has caused so much chaos in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. This world is fucked up. I'm fucked up.

I leaned my head against the wall, hitting it against it one more time, shutting my eyes tightly and feeling my throats tighten, holding back tears. I didn't let any tears fall because I chose to be here. I want to be here. This is all me and all my doings. I was just so scared this might be my last hours. He said he would keep me here...why am I still scared?

"This is hell." I sighed to myself.

Right then the door to my little room opened, letting the hallway light fill the room. I lifted my head to look at see Dwight in the doorway. He just looked at me for a moment.

"What do you want?" I asked him quietly.

He shrugged. "Some answers."

I looked away, putting my head to the wall again. "I don't have any for you-"

"Bullshit-" he cut me off.

"Fact." I shot back.

He was quiet again for a moment. His voice was more stern this time. "Why are you here...why did you come back after everything that happened. You know Negan is going to kill you."

"That's none of your business."

"No. it's Negan's." He shrugged. "Why are you really here."

"Definitely not for you, Dwight." I scoffed. He didn't talk; he just stood there waiting for an answer. I finally sighed, rubbing my face with both hands. "Honestly, Dwight. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I am just going with the flow now I guess. I die, then I die." I tried to act cool, like I didn't fear what Negan Would do.

He nodded. "I still don't believe you."

I shrugged. "Dwight...I'd like to believe I am in love with Negan. That's why I'm here. To see where it goes." I sighed. "You probably don't believe that either."

"No..." he trailed off. "I believe you. Only stupid in love people do dumb shit like this."

I looked at him in shock, raising my eye brows in confusion.

"I'm not going to apologize for what happened in the woods that night, but I will say it won't happen again..." he trailed off.

"...what?"

He then left the room before he could say anything else.

I didn't know what he was talking about. I just let it go, closing my eyes, and taking a few deep breaths. I slowly feel asleep, my back against the wall still.

~~•••~~

I woke up to falling over. I flinched, quickly catching myself. I swear, it gave me a heart attack. I breathed in deeply, slowly letting it out, realizing I was still here. I felt a pit form in my stomach.

I laid down on the mattress, covering my face with my hands.

"Oh fuck this." I said out loud to myself.

I was so tired of waiting. I had no clue what time it was, or how long I slept. There were no windows or anything for me to look out. So I just laid there. Soon enough, the door opened.

I popped up, looking to the door.  As soon as I saw Negan, he threw some clothes at me. I caught them, looking at him in anger.

"Good morning Kit- Kay." He smiled, saying loudly. "Sleep well?"

"Like a baby." I spat with sarcasm.

"Wonderful." He said, clapping his hands together once. "Because we've got some errands to run. Get dressed."