The 100: Ways To Survive

Chapter 44: Remorse

Murphy

I took Rose's weight on my shoulders, wrapping one arm around her waist the other clutching her arm over my shoulders, Jasper did the same. We watched Bellamy and Octavia run ahead. Emori walked next to me, I looked at her, "Don't you start hallucinating," I said to her, weakly joking.
"I've got the person I love with me," she smiled at me as we kept walking through literal shit.
I looked at the floor and smiled, blushing, and then I looked back at her, "I love you too." I then looked ahead and saw something walking towards me, a bottle in her hand, stumbling out of drunkenness.

I stared at her and stopped, forcing Rose and Jasper to trip a little but not fall.
"What is it, John?" Emori asked me, looking into my eyes and putting her hands on my cheeks. I stared at the figure.
"It's your fault he's dead," the woman snarled... my mum. I stared at her. And shook my head.
"You're not real!" I spat.
"John," Emori called, but I couldn't look at her.
"He died trying to save you," my mother bitterly slurred, "it should've been you that died, not him. He was such a great man and he died because of you!" She leant against the sewer wall and spewed up all over the floor, she wiped her face with the arm not clutching the bottle and she firmly stated, "Your father died because of you!" She spat.
"No," I shook my head, a tear rolling down my face, "it wasn't my fault-"
"Of course it was!" She cut me off.
"John," Emori called, "Look at me John," I looked at her, her brown eyes staring into mine, "it's not real, John, it's not real." I stared at her and looked at Monty, replacing me to support Rose and then at the blurry vision of my mum, slowly disappearing. I looked back at Emori.
"I'm here, John. It's not real."
I nodded. And she kissed me on the lips, bringing me back to my senses.

* * *

Octavia

I raced down the tunnel in the direction of Raven. She was stood looking at a dead end, mesmerised. I ran up to her and put my hand on her shoulder, "Hey," I said and swallowed as she turned to face me, I shook my head, "this isn't real."
"What do you mean?" Raven asked and she looked behind me, listening to something.
I put my hands on her shoulders, "Finn is dead, Raven," I whispered, "this isn't real."
She stared at me and then she screamed, "NO! No! No!" She collapsed and I caught her in my arms as she sobbed.
"I'm sorry," I apologised, "we need to go." She rested on me for support as I walked to the end of the tunnel and walked towards the main group, I looked at Monty and Jasper and Harper, "Take care of her," I told them, "I'm going after Bellamy."

I turned back around and raced towards the end of the tunnel, where I could hear sobs. I saw Clarke crouched down in the middle of the sewer, a ladder a few metres in front of her, at least Lexa led her to this place. I saw Bellamy in the corner rocking back and forth. I put my hand on Clarke and she looked at me, tears falling from her eyes. "She's gone! She's gone! She's gone!" Clarke sobbed, "I couldn't save her," she shook her head, crying.
"It's okay," I softly said, "it's not your fault."
"She's dead like Finn and Wells and my dad," Clarke sobbed, her hands in her lap, her knees in the sewage water, tears falling continuously from her eyes.
"It's not your fault," I repeated, swallowing, frightened I might cry.
"I'm sorry," Bellamy choked from the corner and I glanced at him. He had his back against the wall, his knees to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. I looked back at Clarke, she was a mess.
"I didn't want them to die," she cried as she stared at me, "I never meant for this to happen."
"I know you didn't, Clarke, but we need you and you need to pull yourself together," I firmly said.
"I wish she didn't die, I loved her so much," Clarke sobbed and she grabbed my arm, holding onto it for dear life.
"Clarke, you need to get up," I firmly said, looking into her eyes, "A warrior doesn't mourn until the battle is over."

"I taught you well," I heard a voice whisper behind me and my body tightened, Lincoln. I ignored him.
"Clarke, get up!" I half-shouted, and I looked at Bellamy, "Help me!"
"Octavia," he weakly shook his head, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't mean for mum to die," I stared at him, tears filling my own eyes, "I just wanted to... to protect you. Please forgive me."
I shook my head, "Get up, Bellamy!" I demanded, "Help me! This isn't the place for remorse and guilt!"
"I love you, Octavia of the Sky people," Lincoln whispered behind me. I turned to look at him.
"You're not real," I spat.
"Octavia, I-" he was cut off by my blade running through his ghost.

Bellamy stared at me and I ran over to him and pulled at his arm, I growled, "Get up, Bellamy. If you want my forgiveness, help me!"
He stared at me.
"Please," I half-begged. I heard the others not far behind me, stomping through the sewage.
Bellamy stared at me, "I'm sorry," he looked back at the floor.
"I need you," I half-cried, tears threatening to pour, "I need you, Bell. I can't do this without you." He stared at me and suddenly his arms were around me, pulling me into a hug. A few tears escaped and then we pulled apart and he stood up.
"I'm sorry," he shook his head and then he ran to Clarke, he crouched in front of her, "Princess, we need to move," he firmly stated and she stared at him and nodded, getting to her feet. The others appeared.
"Up here," Clarke instructed as she pointed to the ladder and begun to climb up it.