Accidentally on Purpose (Completed)

Chapter 36 - Ex

I only sulk for like the whole night then the next I'm ready to face another day again. Habang tumatanda marami akong natutunan at mga bagay na naintindihan. Isa na doon ang hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay makukuha mo. I grew up having everything I need so I don't really believe that. Well now I do. Tanggap ko na na hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay magugustuhan ka rin.

I asked Ice a favor kung pwede niya akong samahan mag grocery dahil ako ang inutusan ni Mama because Manang went home for 1 week.

I avoided his eyes after I saw him and went to lock the gate. Iniwasan ko nang tignan siya sa mata dahil ayaw kong maalala kung paano niya ako tinignan.

I was in the middle of doing it when he came to stand behind me. I don't know why but he is blocking my view of something. "Ano bang gina--" I froze when I saw why.

Nakatayo si Reagan sa may tabi ng gate at umayos siya ng tayo nang nakita ako. I balled my fists so hard that I can feel my nails slowly digging.

Nagkunyari akong hindi siya nakita at nagdiretso lang sa paglakad when he called my name.

"Tiffany."

I loosened my grip when I felt Ice's hand on mine. 

Naglakad si Reagan palapit sa kinatatayuan ko. Huminto siya nang nakitang umatras ako.

"Can we talk?"

Nilagay ako ni Ice sa likod niya at siya ang nakipagusap. "Ayaw ka niyang kausap. Sino ka ba?"

"Ikaw sino ka ba?"

Humigpit ang hawak ko kay Ice. It's true then, hindi ako nagiimagine, nandoon talaga siya. And he still knows where I live.

Ayaw ko man siyang makausap, gusto kong malaman kung bakit siya nandito. I have to give him this chance. This is not the first time that he reached out pero first time lang na pinuntahan niya ako dito so that means he's desperate to talk to me.

"Ignore him." Sabi ni Ice sa akin.

He tried calling me several times before and I ignored him then because I don't see the point of us talking. Pero ngayon lang niya ako pinuntahan sa bahay. Ngayon ko lang ulit siya nakita and he looks different.

"Umuwi ka nalang." Sabi niya. "Tara na." Hinila na ako ni Ice.

"Tiffany." Tumingin sa akin si Reagan.

After how many years hindi pa rin siya nagbago. The way he says my name is still the same.

"Ang kulit mo rin eh noh?"

Hinawakan ko ang braso ni Ice kaya napatingin siya sa akin.

"It's okay. I'll talk to him." Sabi ko.

"What? Are you crazy?" Sinigawan niya ako.

I smiled faintly. "Don't worry we'll just talk. Hm?" I reassured him that I can talk to him.

Alam kong nagalit siya sa akin dahil binitawan niya ako at pumunta sa kotse niya pero hindi siya umalis.

Nanatili kaming nakatayo sa labas ng bahay dahil ayaw ko siyang papasukin sa loob. Makipagusap lang naman ang gusto niya diba.

"Is that your boyfriend?"

"It's none of your business. You wanted to talk? Okay talk." As much as possible I want to be mean to him. Gusto kong malaman na hindi ako okay dahil sa ginawa niya dati.

"I'm sorry. Alam kong galit ka pa rin sa akin pero gusto ko lang malaman mo na nagsisisi na talaga ako. I was young and stupid. I didn't know--"

"Anong nangyari sainyo?" Pinutol ko siya.

"It didn't work out for us. Sinubukan ko rin magkagusto sa iba pero hindi rin nagwork. Narealize ko nalang kung bakit hindi nagwowork lahat. Because it's not you. She's not you. You're the only one who can fill the space in my heart. It has always been you, Tiffany."

I just shrugged. Naisip ko na ang ganitong scenario sa utak ko dati. I wished that he could come back and say that he regretted it and how life is not the same without me and beg me to come back pero ngayon nagpapasalamat ako na hindi siya bumalik dahil hindi ako magiging kung ano ako ngayon kung hindi ko naramdaman ang lahat ng sakit.

"Do you remember how we used to talk for hours about god knows what. I think mostly nonsense stuff. I thought we could be that way forever. We used to have each others backs. Anong nangyari? Pumili lang naman tayo ng gusto nating pasukan na university."

"Akala ko okay lang, okay naman tayo nung mga first months pa eh pero 'yung madalas na pagkikita namin naging minsan nalang hanggang sa hindi na. Then next thing I knew we didn't have each others backs anymore kasi may iba ka nang gusto. It's not wrong to love, Regs. Hindi mo naman 'yun mapipigilan. Pero sana pinanindigan mo 'yung ginawa mo! Ako na nga 'yung lumayo para sa inyo diba? Tapos ngayon babalik ka sasabihin mo ako pala 'yung mahal mo? That's bullshit Reagan. You don't get to do that after everything."

"Anong nangyari sayo? It's like you're not the guy that I fell in love with anymore."

"I know. Just give me a chance and I can prove to you that I'm still that same guy."

My heart aches for him. What happened to you? I want to ask.

"Tama na, Reagan. I thought maybe we could be friends again pero after this? I don't think we can. I want to be friends with you kasi may pinagsamahan naman tayo kahit papaano." A tear escaped my eye and I immediately wiped it away. "Kaya please? Do me this favor? Tama na."

I smiled at him before I turned away. Akala ko hindi na ako affected. Akala ko okay na ako pero hindi pa pala until now. Now I feel lighter after talking to him. Telling him all the things that I wanna tell him. From now on I know I can totally say that I've moved on. Maybe this is it, 'yung long overdue na closure namin dalawa. This is where our book closes.

Nilingon ko siya sandali.

"That guy back there? He's not my boyfriend but he deserves me more than you do. Alam mo kung bakit? Because he chooses to stay with me every single day." With that iniwan ko siya doon at pinuntahan si Ice.

xx

Tahimik kaming dalawa sa loob ng kotse at ang paghinga lang ang tanging maririnig.

Hindi niya inistart ang kotse kaya hindi ko ko alam kung tutuloy pa ba kami o hindi.

He clenched and unclenched his jaw. He does that when he's really mad.

"Galit ka ba? I'm okay. Sabi ko naman sayo maguusap lang kami. Okay naman ako."

"Okay?" Napatalon ako dahil tumaas ang boses niya. "Okay ka sa lagay na 'yan? You fucking cried!"

It's not everyday na maririnig kong magmura si Ice. He only curses when he is really mad.

Tears started forming again. Huminga ako ng malalim to hold it back pero ayaw nilang magpapigil.

Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita naiyak na ako agad. "Sorry."

Doon siya kumalma. Naging mahinahon na ang boses niya. "Don't say sorry. Ako dapat ang magsorry kasi pumayag akong sumama ka doon sa gagong 'yun."

Umiling ako at lalong naiyak. Lalo akong naiiyak dahil kay Ice.

He pulled me close and hugged me. He patted my back while I cried. He shushed me like a child too.

"I won't let him come near you. He can try but I won't stay still this time. That I can promise."