Love Will Make You Stay

What Will I Do?

STEF POV

Escorting both Callie and Mariana into the play room at the hospital so that Lena and I could talk private was making my stomach nervous. I wasn't really one to get this nervous but there were the occasions that I did. Truth was I just couldn't read Lena, I mean yes I had learned a good amount about her from her journals but it was nothign compared to the real thing.  As I walked back into her room quietly I saw her looking at the pictures the girls had given her.

"I'm sorry do you want a minute?" I asked as she turned to look at me.

"No, no. Please sit." Wiping her eyes she placed the pictures beside her as I took a seat. "They are so big." She said sadly.

"Yeah." I smiled warmly as her eye remained on the picture.

"Especially Mariana. She looks so different. Full of life. They both do." her voice was so soft and I could see the pain written all over it. " They look happy." She said rubbing their faces on the pictures.

"Lena, they are happy their mother is awake." I said softly and her eyes glanced to me.

"Yes but they, they never looked this happy with me. They look unburdened. I couldn't, I couldn't give that to them." She shook her head but I couldn't let her put herself down like this.

"Hey," I said now taking a seat on the side of her bed. "They love you. Every single day that they were with me they asked about you. Every single day they told me how much they loved their mama and asked me when you were coming home, when you were waking up. And they told me how much they missed you. I never let them forget you. Ever. And I never let them believe you weren't waking up." Looking to her eyes I could see how much pain she was in. It wasn't the injuries. It was the time she lost and I could never fully understand that as I gently took her hand. "Lena I didn't try to replace you. I...

"They love you." she said cutting me off  as her eyes were so intense I just wasn't sure what to say as I looked down at our hands which were still together. "It's ok. I knew they would. And I know you love them."

"Yeah." I said my voice cracking. But as I glanced back up to her she continued to look at the picture yet again and I could feel tears from my own eyes. 

"Thank you caring for them. And for me." 

"You're welcome Lena." Gently I squeezed her hand as she did as well.

Later that day as we had gotten back to the apartment to prepare for my parents and Mike to come over  for Christmas I was spent and literally fired. My emotions were at it's all time highest as I tired to focus and concentrate the best I could. I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I couldn't and something was off with Mariana as well. Callie in my eyes seemed relatively normal and unaffected by the visit but Mariana had not said one word. 

"Mama?" I soon heard as I was getting out the pots for dinner and I looked to the doorway seeing her standing there.

"Yeah baby what's wrong?" I asked as her face looked torn and upset and she looked to the ground. "Come here princess. Come to mommy." I said sitting taking a seat as she walked over to me and I lifted her up on my lap. 

"Whats wrong love?"

But she remained silent as I soon lifted her soft face up to look into mine.

"Talk to me. What is it sweetheart." Gently I stroked her long black hair that she loved to wear out with headbands that matched her outfits. But again she was quiet.

"Babygirl remember we talked about not talking. Mommy can't help you if you don't tell me whats wrong. Even if its just one word." I encouraged as her eyes looked to me once again.