Love Will Make You Stay

Facing The Truth

STEF POV

The look on Lena's face was the most heartbreaking look I had ever seen when I left with the girls that day at the hospital. It was a look that I could never ever describe but I knew what it was. I knew  very well what it was. It was the look of a mother who felt she no longer had a place with her children.  It was the look of a mother who was consumed with more guilt then anyone could imagine. It was the look of a mother who felt as if she had failed herself and her babies. But I couldn't let that happen despite my own painful feelings. I just couldn't. 

It had been two days since we had visited her.  Of course Lena  had spoken to the girls on the phone but each time I suggested we come by  she would tell me she had therapy all day and needed to rest. In my mind  that didn't add up at all and I knew she was avoiding us. I knew that very well and I new why and so did she. But getting it out of her would be another issue for based on what I knew about Lena she was so private and her feelings were so inaccessible. Almost as if she still wrapped herself up in cocoon shielding out the world since she had stopped relaying on people from the time she was a little girl.

"Mommy are we going to see mama today or is she resting again?" Callie asked snapping me out of my thoughts as I had just gotten breakfast ready for the two of them. Eggs, vegan bacon, juice and potatoes. By this point I really wasn't such a bad cook anymore and I could get Mariana to eat a little more then she use too. Eggs, however ,were still out of the question.

"Yes baby your mama is resting but we will call her after breakfast ok sweets?" I said pouring my coffee into my mug and buttoning my uniform shirt. It was usual for me to run late nowadays but both my captain and Mike had been pretty understanding about it. That was a relief  for  sometimes getting these two out in the morning was a bit of a challenge especially when they just wanted to stay home and play with their new toys.  Lucky for me it rarely happened nowadays for they both seemed to love school now.

Taking a seat next to both of them I inhaled my cold eggs as fast as I could as Callie ate much slower then normal and for once Mariana was eating more then her.

"Baby come eat up we only have a few minutes before  I need to drop you at school love."

"But why can't we see mama? Is she sleeping again like before?"

"No baby she's not.  Definitely not my love. I promise we will see her tomorrow ok my love?"

Looking to her big brown eyes she nodded her head taking a small bite of her eggs as I stole a forkful. "ok."

"Ok now eat up my loves." Gently I kissed both their foreheads as I poured the rest of my cold coffee in my thermos and grabbing their backpacks so we could head out.

Running out the apartment now they hoped in the back of the cruiser as I was now a pro at buckling their booster seats.

"Cal's buckle up sweetheart." I said  making sure Mariana's seat was secured.

"I am." she said holding her bag as I looked to Mariana who smiled wide at me.

"I love you mommy." She soon said as I kissed her cheek a million times and she busted out laughing.

"I love you two sweetness."

Hopping in myself and blasting the radio as we did every morning I dropped them off as they ran inside. Smiling at them as they waved goodbye I  jumped back in the car but failed to turn it on as my mind went back to Lena. Deciding to ring her room once again after getting no answer earlier it rang endlessly and at this point I decided to go over there myself.  It was true  we needed to talk and we both needed to be honest. We had to be honest for the sake of the girls and ourselves and we needed to confront the elephant in the room.