Love Will Make You Stay

Ice Cream

STEF POV

The night air felt so good on my face as I had just taken a warm shower after we got the girls to bed. I knew I had a small window until they would  come roaming in my bed but with Lena here we weren't sure who's bed they would end up in. It didn't matter to either of us for we were all so excited that she was finally home. My feelings toward Lena were definitely growing and the day I spent with her was so unique and magical. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced I would say.  With her here it felt like a family, but one I never knew existed or one that was never meant to be mine.  It was true, oh man was it true that my heart  was falling so deep for her that I could hardly contain myself. I was in love with her.

Truth was I was sitting out here on my balcony to get my thoughts and mind together for I had been flirting with her a good amount while we were cooking dinner and before that. She didn't appear uncomfortable but I couldn't do that to her. She just got out of very abusive marriage, her divorce wasn't even finalized and I knew she was still pretty fragile. The last thing I wanted her to think or feel was that I was taking advantage of her or for her to jump into something so knew.  But that was certainly not what I was doing and I would never in my life take advantage of her. From the time she had woken up  and even before that I just wanted the best for her and I still did. 

Giving her that bath had not been as easy as it seemed for her back was still covered in so many bruises and so many scars. I wanted to kiss all those bruises one by one and it pained me more then anything and angered me to see them. They made me furious and part of me just wanted to kill Kevin for having done that to her. How, was what I was still asking myself. How could someone do that to her. How could someone hurt her so badly, how could someone almost kill her. Of course it was about power, it was about control, and hijacking someones personality to the point where they couldn't recognize who they were anymore. For the life of me I'd never ever understand it.

As I continued my bad habit that I attempted to quit unsuccessfully I took another puff of my cigarette now leaning over the balcony. There was really no telling how this was going to work with Lena and I. Maybe we would conflict or start to argue over how we were parenting the girls. Maybe I would end up being too bossy and controlling and taking over. Maybe she would end up not liking me. Maybe my flirting would get too out of control and I would end up kissing her.  Maybe I would make her feel horribly uncomfortable. Then there was the issue of what she planned on doing once she was better and could get around herself. Would she just up and leave with Callie and Mariana? Truth be told my heart wasn't ready to think about that in fact I don't think it ever will. The thought of losing all three of them was almost devastating to the point where I would no longer know what to do with myself. What was once normal me coming home to an empty apartment with not a care in the world was no longer anything I could fathom and didn't have the heart too. But I couldn't expect Lena to just blend her life with mine forever. That was unfair no matter how much I was in love with her for she had right to live her life for what would be the first time ever. Could I give her the life she wanted and deserved if she was my woman? Yes I could and I would try every single damm day of my life if that were the case. There was no question at all. But she was straight I knew that and I would never force her to love me like I loved her. She deserved to fly and experience life for the first time loving herself.  As I let out a deep sigh and combed my hair through my freshly washed blonde hair  I soon heard a faint knock at the door. I knew it wasn't the girls for they usually just came out but as I turned around I saw Lena on the other end smiling happily as a wide one escaped my mouth as well. Gesturing for her to come in and quickly putting my cigarette out she looked more beautiful then she did an hour ago as she now stood next to me. I wanted to kiss her but instead I looked deep into her eyes with a smile remaining on my face.