Love Me Again

Chapter 36

I looked away breaking that bond, that moment we had. I shook my head wiping the tears away. I couldn't do this. I couldn't.

I stared at the table as tears poured down my face. It was one thing to tell him about my past, our past. He deserved that much, but I couldn't allow him back in my life. He would only leave me, and I wouldn't survive when he did.

He broke me with the affairs. He destroyed me with the divorce. But he shattered me when he tossed me aside like I was nothing to him and convinced everyone that I was nothing too.

I loved him but that wasn't enough for him. I sacrificed everything to make him happy and all I wanted to be his love, but he wasn't capable of love.

He was the man everyone said he was. They said I was stupid and that he didn't love me. I didn't believe them but now I know they were telling the truth. If only I had listened to them, maybe I would have been able to avoid all this pain.

But as I said before, I couldn't change the past. I just had to deal with it and everything that came after. It was time to tell him, tell him everything. If not for me then for my unborn daughter.

I took a deep breath as I faced Blake again. It was time, time that he knew everything, but I didn't know how to say the truth. The only thing I know is that we couldn't have a conversation in this restaurant.

"Blake I'm going to tell you everything. I just don't want to have it here," I mumbled trying not to let the nerves set in.

He shrugged, "Okay then where do you want it? We could go to my house. Or if it would make you more comfortable we could go to your house?"

I shook my head, "No."

I trailed off, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to go to either of our houses; I wanted to go to a neutral place. It would make us more comfortable if we both had a chance to escape if it got too much.

It wasn't just about escaping though. I didn't want him to be in my house because I didn't want him to feel trapped when I told him my past. He wouldn't even want to stay once he hears what I had to say. What I did, not only to myself but to my baby girl.

"I know a place," I paused debating whether I should take him there.

I sighed it would have to do right now. It was a place both of us knew well, almost too well. I just hoped he would remember it when he saw it.

"Here, let's just get out of this restaurant. I will drive and you can follow me in your car., I came to the decision.

I saw Blake's look of confusion before he said, "That's fine with me. May I ask where we are going?"

I smiled it was just like him to be proper at a time like this, "No, you may not. You will see when we get there.

Blake chuckled, "Well I see somethings don't change. You still like surprised, whether you are the one receiving them or the one giving them."

His statement caused me to stop smiling at once. He spoke as if he knew me as if he knew what I went through. Well, he didn't and even when I told him everything. He still wouldn't understand what I went through, how I felt.

I shook off those thoughts. I couldn't think like that when I told him my story. I couldn't let my emotions impact the things I would say. It wasn't about starting a fight, it was about telling the truth.

He raised his hand motioning for the waiter to get the check. There was an awkward silence as we waited for the waiter. I started to talk but stopped as I saw the waiter.

What I was about to say wasn't important anyway. The waiter probably felt the awkwardness because he silently left the check on the table and left.

Blake reached for the check as I did. He managed to snatch it up from the table before me. I raised my hands in surrender. I wasn't going to fight him on paying the check.

When we were together, we used to always argue about who was going to pay the check. I didn't want him to always pay for me, but he wanted to. He wouldn't allow me to pay, saying it was his job to take care of me.

Now it didn't matter though, I mean about who paid. If he wanted to pay he could. It wasn't like he couldn't pay for it. There was absolutely no reason to fight him on this. I had to choose my fights.

I would rather save all my energy on what was about to come. I knew I would need all the energy I could get. It was bad enough that I had to talk about the past, but had to relay it back to the person who began this journey with me.