Love Me Again

Chapter 38

I let the tears pour down my face as I stared out into the meadow lost in the memories. It was like all the memories we had here were playing in a film right before my eyes. I couldn't do anything to stop them. They kept pouring out like the tears in my eye.

I felt someone pick me up and turned me around. The person pulled me into a hug, holding me as tight as they can. I didn't struggle though, I was too weak to struggle. Without seeing the person, I knew who it was: Blake.

I cried and cried until there were no more tears. As all the tears drained from me, I pulled away from Blake. At first, he didn't let go, but when I kept pulling he let go of me.

I lifted my hand to my face to wipe away the tears that were still on my face. But before I could wipe away the tears, Blake lifted his hand and wiped away the tears for me.

I stared at his face as he continued to caress my face. I closed my eyes, his touch being too much to handle. Everything about this moment was too hard to handle. I opened my eyes and looked at Blake.

I turned away from him, "I think we should have that talk now."

He nodded although he still looked concerned, "We don't have to do that now if you don't have felt up to it. We could always have this talk another day."

He trailed off, but I shook my head. I had already prepared myself to talk about it. If I backed down now, I wouldn't be able to talk about it later.

Blake still didn't look convinced though, so I knew I had to say something.

I cleared my throat, "We're going to have this talk today. I just need a minute."

He didn't look convinced but still nodded. He walked towards his car, opening his trunk. I was confused about what he was doing but I chose to ignore it.

I walked across the meadow towards the cliff. I stood at the edge of the cliff looking out into the ocean. I stared at the ocean wondering what it would be like to jump off this cliff and to never come up.

I stopped that train of thought as I heard Blake walking towards me. I listened to his footsteps until he stopped right behind me. He was so close that I could hear his breath by my ear and I could feel it on my neck.

I turned towards Blake staring at him. I knew he could feel my gaze on him, but he didn't turn around. Instead, he continued to stare straight forward into the night.

"I remember when we used to come here," he looked around, "It's still as beautiful as when I first came here."

He finally turned towards me, "Why did you bring me here? Why here out of all the places?"

I shrugged, "Because you once told me that I could tell you anything here."

Blake turned quickly grabbing my hands. He pulled me gently towards the car again. But as he stopped by a blanket, I quickly realized that I was wrong. He wasn't pulling me towards the car, he just wants us to seat here.

He continued to hold my hands, "I remember saying that. I remember that promise and all the other promises I made you."

Blake tilted my head causing our eyes to meet. I saw the sorrow, pain, and regret in his eyes.

"I promised you so much and I just broke all those promises. I left you behind without a single glance back," I heard his pain through his words.

I couldn't take seeing him in pain so I looked away. But that didn't stop me from hearing the words he was saying.

I pulled away from him, "You're right, you did do that. I loved you and you threw me away like I was garbage."

He began to speak, but I wasn't having that.

"Trust me I have a lot to say about how I feel about you. But that isn't why we're here. I didn't bring you here to listen to me rant about how terrible you were to me. I brought you here so we can talk about what happened to our marriage. I brought you here so we can piece together our history. So we can understand it and move on with both of our lives. We are never going to get closure if we don't figure this out."

Blake spoke after a moment sounding hesitant.

His voice broke, "How about if I don't want to move on? How about if I don't want to go back to living my life without you?"