Love Me Again

Chapter 41

I wiped the tears away putting on a mask. I didn't want him to see how hurt I was because of him. I didn't want him to see how much he still affected me. How much control he still had over him.

I glanced at him wanting to see his reaction. I expected him to look regretful or ashamed, but he wasn't. He looked shocked like he didn't know that I was pregnant. But that couldn't be, he had to know.

Blake even said he got the present. If he got it, he would have seen the pregnancy test inside and seen how it was positive. He knew the present was from me, so he would've connected the dots.

Blake stuttered out, "You were pregnant?"

I watched as he suddenly grew upset. He jumped up pacing angrily. He whirled around to face me.

"You were pregnant!" he screamed at me.

He stalked towards me. I was afraid it looked like he was going to hurt me, even kill me. I backed up, but he grabbed my arm stopping any movement.

"You were going to have my child and you never told me." he gripped my arm even tighter hurting me.

I tried to break out of his grip but I couldn't. The more I struggled, the more it seemed like he was tightening his grip. I was losing the feeling in my arm and I knew his hand would leave a mark tomorrow.

"Blake you're hurting me," I whimpered.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt his grip fall away. I looked up through tears in my eyes catching Blake's stare right before he turned away. His face transformed into that of disgust and sorrow.

He stood there trying to manage his breaths. He was calmer when he turned back to me. Blake came closer, but I flinched away from him not wanting him to hurt me again.

I cradled my arm and scooted away from him. I had thought that he would never hurt me, but I guess I was wrong. The old Blake wouldn't have hurt me, but the Blake before me would. He had even proved it.

Blake took a seat on the grass below him. If we weren't in this situation, I would have been worried about the grass stains that were going to appear on his clothes tomorrow. But for now, I didn't care, I was more worried about how I could get out of here if I needed to.

Blake didn't look at me when he spoke, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just can't understand. How were you pregnant and I didn't know? Why didn't you ever tell me, you had three years? And where is my child now?

I cried even more as I took a deep breath trying to get the words out.

"I gave you the present. In the present was the test saying I was pregnant."

Blake shook his head, "I got the present but I never opened it."

He suddenly had a spark in his eyes like he finally realized something. I knew what that spark meant because I got that spark a second before him.

"I never opened it." "You never opened it." We said together coming to the same realization.

I spoke first, "I always thought you opened it."

Blake kept shaking his head, "I only opened the envelope. After I read the note I left. I threw the present aside toward the back of my closet."

I felt awful. Blake just learned that he had a child. It broke my head to know what I had to tell him next.

"I thought you had seen it but didn't even care."

Blake had a glazed look in his eyes, "I never saw it."

I laughed a little, "Well I know that now. I was pregnant. I just thought you didn't care. I thought when you asked for a divorce that you were telling me that you didn't care about either of us."

"I did care. If I knew about my child, I would have never asked for a divorce. I would have taken care of you guys. I would have put everything behind us and took care of you guys," Blake said.

I let out a sob covering my mouth, "If I knew, if only I knew."

I continued to sob. Blake grabbed me and held me as I continued to pour my heart out to him.

"My baby, our child was a girl. Her name would have been Sarah Daniels"

Blake pulled away from me, just enough to look at me.

"What do you mean would have been." Blake had tears pooling in his eyes.

"She died. I had a miscarriage."

I sobbed not knowing how to stop. I broke down not caring about acting strong. No one had a clue how it all felt. How it felt to lose Blake, then lose the only person still holding me together.

But as I looked up at Blake, I knew that wasn't true. Blake now knew what it was like to lose a child. He just found out about his baby, but he already looked as if his heart was bleeding.

He let out a cry of pain as tears fell from his eyes.

"How?"

That was the only thing he could manage to get out.

I tried to control my sobs enough to tell him. To let him know, he deserved to know how his daughter died.

"It was after the divorce, I was walking out of the courthouse after the divorce was finalized. I was crossing the sidewalk when the light turned green for me to cross. I was walking when I heard a car coming. I turned my head towards the car and saw it right before it hit me."

Blake pulled me closer, "It hit me straight on. They told me after that the person was distracted. He was talking on the phone and didn't see the red light. I was thrown a couple of feet away and landed on the road. I had immediately reached for my stomach to see if my baby was okay, and I felt a lot of blood. I knew she wasn't going to make it. I just knew. No matter how much I begged, no matter how much I pleaded they couldn't save her."

I cried out gripped my chest. It hurt. It hurt so much. I wished I could have died that day instead of her, instead of my baby.