EMO TRUMP

AN: I'm starting this book over without deleting the chapters. As you probably know already, I'm just a role player - But I hope you enjoy my actual Emo Trump parody ... Which, while being just as random and hilarious, has decent spelling and grammar.

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This is the story of a president going through a goth phase, his melancholy wife, a redneck vp, a White House prankster, a bunch of emo bands, and Obama. Also, this piece of cancerous trash is dedicated to my favorite author, Tara Gilesbie.

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On first sight, Mike Pence will appear to be a tough-as-nails, motorcycling, liquor-drinking metal head - but, really, it is all an act to mask his inner pansy. He wakes up every morning in a soft, pink nightgown, surrounded by a bunch of adorable stuffed animals. Then he cooks his vegan breakfast while tearing up to a Troye Sivan song.

It's after breakfast when Pence goes through a metamorphosis. First, he does his business, then his toilet electroshocks him repeatedly for fifteen minutes - And when it's done, a ding goes off like a microwave. Next, he glues some hair onto his bare chest, then he masks himself with a scent that mimics the worst of human body odor. There are lots more grotesque activities in Pence's transformation that I shall spare you from, but you should know that, lastly, he always slips on the same baggy jeans and leather jacket that he has worn for countless years. No wash, like a true redneck.

At seven o'clock sharp, Pence reports to his master, Lord Trump, prepared to provide any service that will please him. And on this particular day, Trump did not appear in his office at seven o'clock, so Pence (after making sure that nobody was watching) pulled out a pair of reading glasses and a copy of The Fault in Our Stars. John Green was his favorite author but he would never admit that, even if his life depended on it.

Ten minutes later, Pence was still consumed but the book's sexy love interest. He didn't notice the rotten orange who had just entered the room.

"Pence!" yelled the greasy cheeto, "Why are you wearing glasses?"

"Uhmm... They're uhmm... reading glasses," admitted Pence, shamefully.

"Hmm, I didn't know you could read," said Trump with all of the legitness of a prepubescent Draco Malfoy.

"Oh, no, no!" exclaimed Pence, taking off the glasses, "I'm an illiterate redneck, I swear!"

"Whatever," Trump waved the matter away. "Today we are planning another Gothic Cosplay party. I'm going to be busy creating a new Spotify account so I can get an extra 30 days of Premium. After that, I'll be hard at work making a LIT emo playlist with MCR, Falloutboy, TØP, Panic at the Disco!-"

Pence coughed loudly, knowing that once Trump starts talking about boy bands, he doesn't stop talking about boy bands.

"As I was saying, since I am so busy today, you will have to take Melancholy to get a new cosplay dress at hottopic,"

Pence grumbled, pretending that shopping annoyed him and that Cosplay wasn't his secret fetish.