EMO TRUMP

the monster under the bed

Pence was admiring the Sailor Moon merch at Hot Topic while Melancholy was in the changing room. Maybe I should combine the styles of my two personalities and go for a Pastel Grunge look, he thought, letting his mind meander.

Suddenly, there was a huge clamour and a bunch of racks fell down. Making his way towards Pence, was a man in a gigantic Furry costume.

"Beware the vengeance of Joe!" shouted the Furry in a quivering voice.

The voice sounded familiar to Pence, "Do I know you from somewhere?"

Before the furry could answer, he attempted to run away, but after tripping over the fallen racks, his mask flew off.

It was ... Ben Carson.

Carson quickly put his mask on again, self consciously, as if his nudes had been exposed. Then he took off before Pence could say "WTF"

********

When Melancholy came out of the dressing room costumed as the Red Queen from Tim Burton's Alice and Wonderland, Pence suppressed the urge to giggle at the ridiculousness. Melancholy's fashion sense was so bad that she had requested to borrow Lady Gaga's meat dress to wear at her husband's inauguration ceremony. This request was, of course, vehemently denied by Gaga, an extreme liberal, who responded by tweeting a middle finger emoji.

"How do I look?" asked Melancholy, who had blue eyeshadow up to her eyebrows and mascara dripping down her face.

"Very Pretty" lied Pence. He turned away to hide the fact that his face was (against his will) crinkling up into a cringe.

When he turned back around, he looked straight into Melancholy's venomous hawk-eyes. Those strange eyes that were always squinting at you as if she knows you but can't remember your name.

"I mean ... you look really good. You're a damn beautiful woman with the face of Celine Dion when she belts out "My Heart Will Go On" and the body of a photoshopped Nicki Minaj twerking."

Apparently that was not the right thing to say.

Melancholy shrieked as if Pence had just stabbed her with a butcher's knife. "If I look anything like those PREPZ, then I'm hideous!"

A torrent of emotional rage overcame Melancholy as if she were possessed. Her odd eyes turned red and her hair formed snake-like coils. That's when something clicked in his thick skull. Melancholy Trump was Medusa! The reason why she always squinted her cold eyes was because, if she opened them, she could turn you to stone!

*********
After booking it out of HT, Pence came back to the Black House decorated with authentic gothic furniture and party deco. It was a bit spooky - with artificial spider webs lacing each entryway.

The guests had arrived early, much to Trump's displeasure, as he had not yet finished his Spotify playlist and had to make do with a Pandora channel that was riddled with ads and occasionally played a preppy Britney Spears banger.

99.9% percent of the female guests were dressed up as Harley Quinn (The 0.1% accounts for Ben Carson who was still in a furry costume). So, naturally, they were all arguing over who pulled off the sexier costume. All the Harley Quinn madness scared Pence, so he decided that he was done with emo women and cosplay for the day and that he'd better just catch some z's.

**********
Mike Pence, sleeping in his pink night gown was startled awake by an odd sensation that the fullfillment of his childhood nightmares was approaching. He shivered and held Freddy, the stuffed Koala, tight. A bed spring creaked underneath him and he half-expected Mike Wazowski to pop out of his closet. Pence checked the closet. Nothing. He yawned and slipped back under his baby blue blanket. Another creak. He gathered the courage to peer under his bed and found himself staring right into the face of -