Esta Vez (This Time)

Kabanata 12

SUMILIP sa nakaawang na pinto ng silid-aklatan si Selry. Natanaw niya ang Don sa likod ng mesa at mukhang busy sa mga papeles na nasa harap nito. She was surprised to see him home today. Palagi itong wala sa bahay at kung saan-saan nagtutungo. Umuuwi lamang ito tuwing pananghalian, small talks at muling aalis. He would be home before six though, just in time bago magdasal ng Angelus. She took a deep breathe bago nagsalita upang mapukaw ang atensyon ng Don.

Mula sa mga papeles ay umangat ang ulo nito, looking straight to her direction. Rumehistro ang paglambot ng ekspresyon nito sa mukha mula sa pagkaseryoso.

"Ipinatawag niyo po ako?" She asked na niluwagan ang pagkakabukas ng pinto gamit ang siko niya. She was carrying with her a tray of hot coffee and a freshly baked bread mula sa pugon. A thing she found amusing and could never get the thrill off her system. Kahit pa medyo ma-trabaho iyon kaysa sa convenience ng electric oven na nakasanayan niya.

Pagtango ang itinugon nito sa kanya. She saw him put away the paper he was holding when she came close. Inilapag niya ang crochet cloth coaster sa mesa at ipinatong doon ang tasa ng kape. Isinunod na niya ang plato na may dalawang piraso ng tinapay. She then sat on the chair next to his table, securing the tray on her lap.

The Don took the cup and sipped from it. Hinintay lamang niya ito habang nag-iisip kung para saan ang dahilan ng pagpapatawag nito sa kanya.

She admits na hindi niya gaanong kinakausap ang Don. It was also the first that she was alone with him. She was more close kay Doña Consuelo at kay Francisco. Those two are a comfortable company than the Don himself. 

Parang si Mama at Sebastian lang. Selene has her own world na minsan hindi ko kayang sabayan. Si Papa naman, laging wala at kung saan-saan nade-destino. Makauwi man, kung hindi sugatan at nagpapagaling ay nasa kampo, awaiting the next freaking order.

She grew up not really that attached to her father. A story when she was still a baby was also a factor.

Her father wanted a first born son than a daughter. Hindi pa ito naniniwala na babae ang anak. Her mother showed signs that she was carrying a boy in her womb than a girl. Iyon ang pinanghawakan ng kanyang Papa, that his first born was a boy. Hindi pa uso ang ultrasound noon. When she came out, her father bragged to his kumpares that he has a junior for a first born. Her mother broke his hopes though. Kinailangan pa nitong ipahiya ang baby self niya sa mga kumpare nito nang hubarin ang kanyang lampin. It was because he thought her mother was just joking on him.

She felt rejected ever since she heard that.

And about those two kumpares of her father, who later became her godfathers. Both died in service years later sa magkaibang engkwentrong sinabak. They did not live long to see her marrying to give her their overdue christmas gifts, as they had always promised.

Nagkaroon din ng rivalry between her and Sebastian nang magkamuwang siya. She felt jealous dahil mas pinapaboran ng kanilang ama si Sebastian, making the latter spoiled shit, whenever he was home. When Selene came, mas naramdaman niya ang rejection at jealousy.

At dahil sundalo ang ama, nakasanayan na niya na wala ang presensya nito sa buhay niya for the past years. Her only way to know what was up on him were from letters that her mother would read aloud to them all that were stuck in Manila. Words of love and missing them were not fully understood. Communication became easier when cell phones are introduced. But still, madalang lang dahil depende pa sa reception ng signal kung saan nadestino ang kanyang Papa.

Minsan nga ay natanong niya ang Mama niya kung bakit nakayanan nito ang ganoong set-up. To her surprise, her mother almost gave up on her father. Iyon ang ugat ng mga pag-aaway na nasaksihan niya when she was a kid, etching that fear that later became a trauma. Hindi kayang talikuran ng kanyang ama ang katungkulan nito sa bayan. In the end, dahil mahal na mahal ito ng mama niya ay nag-stay ito.