Esta Vez (This Time)

Kabanata 23

PALIHIM na sinulyapan ni Selry si Carlos. He was quiet. His face was void of any emotion. His lips shut and his eyes were focused on the path ahead of them. Ramdam niya na iba na ang timpla nito dahil sa pananahimik nito.

Mas malala ang emosyon na ramdam niya ngayon mula kay Carlos, kumpara sa sudden outburst nito noong birthday party ni Beatriz.

He was begrudgingly mad.

Kasalukuyan silang nakasakay sa calesa at pauwi na sa tahanan ng mga Ynarez. Dahil wala naman siyang maisip na paksa na maaring buksan upang pag-usapan ay nanatili na lang din siyang tahimik. She instead focused her attention on the houses they passed by while enjoying the sound of the horse's foot steps.

When they got home, she thought that he would just drop her by and he would go home himself. Kaya naman nagulat siya nang bumaba ito ng calesa at sinabihan ang kutsero na mauna na sa tahanan ng mga de Tagle.

Just gahd!

"Ikaw ba'y wala nang gagawin sa inyo o bibisitahin kayang pasyente?" O kung ano pa man para lumayas ka na rito? She asked, with the latter sentence on her head, opening a small talk. There was that evident tension that she badly wanted to lighten. Pinilit niyang panatilihin ang tingin sa mukha nito kahit pa naiilang siya.

"Ako ba ay hindi mo nais makasama, Cecilia?" She heard him asked back. Her sight shifted elsewhere as guilt made its way to her conscience. He seemed to had read her thoughts. Nagpakawala ito ng buntong-hininga na para bang kasabay na pinakawalan roon ang mga bagay na iniisip nito.

His palm gently touched her cheek, guiding her face to turn to look at him. She involuntarily complied even when she was kind of afraid meeting his eyes that seem to penetrate through her skin and ending to her own soul.

When she finally met his eyes she saw him with a resigned look. Tired eyes looked at her with emotions such as longing and another she could not name flashed in his eyes.

Napalunok siya sa uri ng tingin nito sa kanya bago umiwas ng tingin. A faint memory passed her mind...

"Ayaw mo ba akong kasama, Selry?" Timothy asked her when he cornered her on the wall, imprisoning her on his extended arms. His eyes looked straight to hers while waiting for her response. His breath with a faint scent of menthol candy fanning on her face.

Nanatiling tikom ang bibig niya habang halos maduling na siya sa lapit ng mukha nito sa kanya. Tanging  malakas na kabog ng dibdib ang naririnig nang oras na iyon. She had been avoiding him like plague. Lalo na nang ma-realize niyang nagkakagusto na siya kay Timothy.

"Hindi ba friends tayo?"

It was the statement that slapped her to reality. May kung anong bikig na namuo sa lalamunan niya dahil doon. Umiwas siya ng tingin at lumunok bago nagsalita.

"O-oo, Timothy."

She sighed.

Tahimik na tinalunton niya ang daan patungong hardin. She felt Carlos trailing behind her.

"Hindi sa ganoon, Carlos." Aniya nang marating na nila ang bangko na gawa sa kahoy na nasa ilalim ng azotea, kung saan tanaw ang hardin. Naupo siya roon na sinundan naman nito. Invading the space between them.

A thing that made her uncomfortable.

Sumakto lamang sila sa nasabing bangko, kahit pa sa tingin niya ay may malaking espasyo pa sa gilid ni Carlos. Pasimpleng umisod na lamang siya kaysa pakiusapan itong lumayo ng kaunti sa kanya.