keep in mind || hs au

eight

Aurora felt so sick to the stomach, she wanted to get out of this toxic car and run for miles like she used to. She pulled over the to the side of the road and quickly got out of the car trying not to throw up. The winds were harsh and cool which felt comforting at the moment until Harry got out of the car with a waterbottle he found somewhere on the floor of the car.

"Aurora, let me drive" He said handing her the bottle of water.

She stood up from her leaning position and looked at him with tear full eyes. Harry knew she was beyond upset and he wished he hadn't told her but she had already knew more then he thought. She couldn't see him well but the light of the moon in a dark sky was enough to let her see the sad look on Harry's face. She loved him so much and now felt more lost then before. She felt as if she had lost a big part of her in an instant and it didn't let her catch up or breathe. She wished she could hug the shit out of Harry to feel comfort but she couldn't even look him in the eye and everytime she did she felt anger and rage. She slapped him across the face as hard as she could and Harry just stood there coping with the pain. He knew he deserved it and perhaps worse. If they were married he was sure that a divorce would have been filed that instant and all they had would be carried by the winds of that night. He wanted to hold her and make her feel happy but he knew she wouldn't let him take another step closer.

"Aurora..." was all he could say.

"I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel. I don't want to trust what my mind is telling me right now because it's all out of anger...but I need to know one thing" she lifted Harry's chin meeting his eyes that had been glued to the ground in guilt and searched for honesty. "If you don't love me...tell me now so I won't waste my time" Harry was crying, he had hurt the women he knew he deeply loved and if he said the wrong thing he would surely lose her for good and he didn't want to. He couldn't be the tough Harry who yells at her back and pushes her to walls, he was vulnerable to her and he didn't like the feeling of her being dominant because it's always him who's protecting her and yelling at her making her cry but she was crying because she was sick, sick of having to deal with these problems that she didn't need to. If Harry didn't need her the way he did he would have let her go and be happy but he wanted her to accept him the way he was. Mean and cruel.

"Don't do that to me Aurora... I just want to go home with you" he said through sobs. He avoided the question fearing he'd say the wrong thing.

"Please... just tell me" she begged and pleaded with tears like rivers.

Harry looked at Aurora and knew he had to tell her the truth, the honest truth. She was demanding answers he had no answers to. "I love you...but it's not the way you want me to. I love her, the girl I'm seeing but that doesn't mean I haven't stopped caring for you" it was difficult for him to say it but it was the only thing he could think of saying that wouldn't make Aurora leave. He wanted her to understand he didn't want her to leave, that's not the message he was sending.

Aurora couldn't cry more then she already was. She was still trying to accept the fact that Harry had someone else. Harry grabbed her hand in his and she let him, she wanted to feel a little love now that she needed as much as she could get. "Don't leave me...please" he kissed the back of her hand what made her pull away almost immediately. Her heart felt as if it had been ripped out of her chest and still beating in the hands of her killer. She could cry oceans right now if she could but even that wouldn't make Harry love her the way he used to.

They had been sitting in the car infront of their home in complete silence. Aurora didn't say a word and neither did Harry, he had a lot he wanted to say but couldn't figure out how to say it. He wanted to be with Aurora, he wanted to keep her in his life but he also wanted Jannes. There was just no way he could have two girlfriends and no way he could continue cheating on Aurora. He had to make up his mind, if Aurora didn't want him back he'd always have Jannes.

"Harry? Why don't you love me anymore?" Harry gulped down scared of his own answer, 'I don't know' wasn't really a good answer but it was the truth, he didn't know.

"It's not you...you're perfect and I mean it. I'm just lost, I don't know what I'm doing-"

"Harry you've never been lost, you've always knew what you wanted and you were always right about it...I can be hard to like, I'm not as smart as you are, not nearly as pretty as the girls that you want and-"

"Aurora stop. You're not making sense" he wanted to stop her from talking herself down. This was a new side to her he had never met and he didn't like it because she was blaming herself when she didn't have anything to do with his choices.

"Harry, I've been at your side for almost five years, I have studied you over and over, in and out. You think I haven't made a mistake? I'm sure there's a good reason to why you're seeing someone else. I don't remember everything like you've seen and if I did something wrong that I don't recall please tell me. I'm dying to know what I've done" Aurora couldn't hold herself together, she came undone again crying before Harry's eyes only making him hate himself more.

Harry hated the way she said she was at his side for almost five years, no one knew him better then she did and she knew him better then Anne who's his mother. She made him feel as if he was making the worst mistake of his life which he was but it wouldn't be till later he'd figure that out, when it would be to late. He didn't want to picture her married to another man possibly awaiting his children in a beautiful home, then he'd hate himself more.

"There is no good reason. I'm just...Aurora it was hard coming back to you. It really was, because before the whole accident happened we were falling apart. I don't remember where it started but things were taking turns and you and I weren't..." Harry gulped, "we weren't functioning. You broke up with me, you finally got your things and left. I thought you went to Phoenix with your parents but turns out you were in the hospital the whole time. They called me when you woke up and I went to see you, I thought I could handle it but as you can see I failed, I failed because I'm not as good as you describe me. When I saw you in the hospital...I felt like the worst person ever, that accident was my fault and you're the way you're now because of me. I should have just told you the truth before I let this all drag out and get this ugly. Aurora if I really didn't love you I wouldn't have went along acting like we had never broke up but I wanted you back, I wanted to feel that love we had when we were together, in other words you were my good memory of us and I wanted to be happy...for you to be happy with me. I care about you and I don't want you to leave me, please don't leave me...even when I'm the worst person in the world" Harry wiped the tears away from his eyes and looked out the window so she wouldn't see how broken he really was but she knew him so well and she couldn't leave him feeling this broken.

Aurora put her hand on Harry's thigh getting his attention. He looked at her hand then to her eyes and tried to make out what she was thinking but he knew this was all to familiar. She grabbed his face and joined her lips with his, it was frantic and desperate like at any moment they would be pulled apart from each other. She tried ending it but Harry would only pull her in closer and kiss her more roughly. He didn't want this moment to end because when it did Aurora had the option to stay or leave.

Aurora pulled apart and rested her forehead on his catching her breath. "Harry-"

"I know, this is crazy but don't leave just yet" he said through hazy breaths.

"I wasn't going to...but I'm not staying if you have someone else. End it with her or I'll end it for you" she said in all seriousness.

Harry was afraid he'd have to face something like this, he didn't have an answer but that was fine, what he needed was time. "Sure" he said.