Wait For Me

Numbing The Pain

Ever since the appointment, she had kept her distance from the hospital in the evenings. Sitting with Grace had begun to make her feel guilty, thinking of the child she would never get to hold, never get to support through life. But with the avoidance of the hospital, she found herself sitting in a bar each evening drinking enough to numb the pain.

With each drink she returned to the woman she had known herself to be years before Holby City ED was ever a part of her life. Another night saw another man, another man saw another drink. At first it helped, it helped her to forget about Jacob and the mess that had manifested itself in her life. Sleeping with men, no strings attached meant she could walk away totally unscathed.

However each morning she woke, she felt the weight of the world resting on her shoulders when she thought of what she was doing. They weren't together, far from it, but she couldn't help feel that she had let him down in some way. Nothing ever felt right, they weren't him. They weren't who she really wanted to be there with her.

She stared out of the window across the water, the street lights reflecting in it as shadows passed. Lifting her glass to her lips again, she thought about the last few weeks. Running her finger around the base of it she sighed deeply thankful that nobody she knew ever came here. Leaning back in her chair she kept her eyes on whatever was happening outside of the window, unlike what she would do normally.

Connie couldn't believe what her life had become. If only she'd suck up her pride long enough to engage in a conversation with him, maybe then things could start to be sorted out. But that was never going to happen, she was too stubborn. "Drinking alone tonight?" Her head snapped around as she saw someone smiling from the bar towards her. "Excuse me?" "Sorry, it's just- I've seen you here a lot over the past few weeks but you never seem to be alone."

She scoffed slightly, letting her head drop as she looked ahead. "Yeah, I'd started to notice that myself too..." He frowned briefly before carrying the two drinks across to her table. Placing a glass of wine before her, she looked to it swallowing past the lump in her throat. She felt sick at the thought of taking yet another stranger back to her home. "Don't worry, it's not an agreement to sleep with me."

A small smile crossed her face as he nodded to the chair opposite her. "Mind if I sit down?" She shook her head shrugging as he watched her carefully. "You seem slightly less enthusiastic tonight than other times I've seen you." She pulled the glass closer to her gently as she nodded. "I guess things are slowly catching up to me." Lifting her eyes to him he gave her a saddened smile. "I know that feeling all too well..."

Connie watched him as he looked out of the window as she had done earlier that evening. "I often find myself staring out of these windows hoping that the answer to all my problems will just jump out at me." "And has it?" "God no, I've got way too many issues for that to happen." She laughed slightly as she looked to the window too. "Have I ever seen you before, forgive me for asking but you just seem familiar to me." "I'm a consultant, I work in the Emergency Department so I guess it's possible."

He nodded watching as she rest her head against her hand. "Can I ask what's got you looking so sombre?" Connie found it weird to be sitting here ready to talk about her life to someone she barely knew, but that was exactly it, she barely knew him. He had no connection to her or her life, it was as easy as that. There was no guarantee she would ever see the man again, and it was easier than admitting to herself that she really wanted to speak to Jacob about all of this.

"I was involved in a car accident six months ago... I went over the edge of a cliff, fell to the bottom of the ravine on the edge of Holby." He lifted his head to look at her with some surprise. "There was a young girl involved wasn't there?" She nodded glumly as she focused on the table. "My daughter, Grace... She came off worse than I did, no child should ever have to go through that."

Connie hadn't realised the tear that had fallen until she lifted her hand to wipe her cheek. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea-" "No-one ever does. I guess it's why I like getting away. People don't look at you with pity all the time, they just, carry on like nothing ever happened." He nodded understanding her want for something normal. "It's understandable, but they just care about you." She hummed in agreement as she drank her wine slowly.

They spoke for a short while longer, Connie feeling somewhat lighter after having spoken about the accident. She still refused to speak about the part that haunted her the most. There was something holding her back from telling the full truth of the incident. "Well it's getting late, I should really get home." Connie nodded as the other man stood up. "It was really lovely to talk to you. Maybe we could do it again sometime?"

She frowned briefly before nodding. "Yeah, I'd like that..." He pulled the napkin from the table quickly scribbling something down. "Here, call me sometime." Taking it from his hand, his fingers brushed over hers as she smiled briefly. "Okay..." He stepped away watching her before turning his back and disappearing out of the bar. Connie was left with his number scrawled before her as she remained in the bar for a little while longer.

Taking her phone out she typed his number in to stop herself from losing it. She wasn't sure if she'd ever need it, but a small part of her knew that she would. Saving it, she stopped what she was doing as she saw his name on the screen. Clicking on it, an image of the two of them appeared causing the lump in her throat to return. Staring down at it she found herself unable to tear her eyes away until she remembered everything she had done in the last few weeks. Closing it, she put her phone back in her bag before slipping her coat on and getting into a taxi for the night.