Wait For Me

Falling To Pieces

Crossing the department, she released a heavy sigh letting the last few days hang heavily over her. After seeing Steph, she had finally began to let go of the anger that surrounded her since the accident but it had made way for the other emotions she had been refusing to feel. She missed the evenings where she would go home with her daughter, the times that she would slip away during the day to see Jacob. It was all such a long time ago, merely a memory.

Having Jacob there when she came out from the prison had reminded her of the days when he would promise her they'd all be okay. That somehow, someway they would get through all the pain. Sitting in her office, she stared blankly across the room no longer thankful for the moments of silence she got here. All that they were ever filled with were thoughts of how she wanted things to change. She wanted to come clean to him, but was that really going to change anything? She'd only lose him more than she already had.

Hastily getting up from her chair, she grabbed her stethoscope throwing it around her neck. Letting the door shut, she held her head high as she wandered out into the department knowing it was busy today. Disappearing into the department, she did what she did best and buried herself beneath patients.

"Have you seen Connie at all today?" Duffy shook her head as Charlie tapped his hand against the counter looking across the department. "Something wrong?" He continued looking around before her voice called him back. "Charlie?" "Hmm- Oh it's nothing." She nodded as he smiled unconvincingly letting her return to what she was doing while he headed into his office.

Connie stood in the cubicle as the patient moved onto the bed. "I'm Mrs Beauchamp, what seems to be the problem?" As they began talking Jacob stepped into the cubicle with a small smile to her. Acknowledging him quickly she refocused on the patient before reeling off several tests to be run.

While she did the routine checks, Jacob looked up stealing a glance at her. There was a fresh air about her that hadn't been there for sometime. Maybe seeing Steph had been what she needed, she certainly hadn't been as snappy in the department. Connie looked across to see Jacob still watching her, smiling slightly as she noticed before looking back down to the patients ankle. "I'll arrange an x-ray but I think you've broken it. Staff Nurse Masters can we get 5mg of morphine, it'll help ease the pain."

Connie nodded as Jacob disappeared getting the pain relief while she checked the cut to his leg. "I'll get a nurse to come and clean the wound, it's going to need a few stitches." He groaned dropping back to the bed as Connie turned away with a roll of her eyes. Jacob returned administering the medication before following Connie from the cubicle. She felt him behind her as they walked back through the department.

"How's Grace doing?" "Good, she's tired but she's recovering." Jacob nodded as he held the doors open ahead of them while they walked. "It's to be expected... How are you?" He reached out holding onto her wrist causing her to stop opposite him along the corridor. Standing before him she took the time to look up to him, something she avoided doing because she knew how easily he could read her.

Sighing heavily she felt him hold onto her hand cautiously. "I'm okay, aren't I always?" "You like me to think you are, yeah... But really, I know you're not that strong. Not when it comes to Grace." He caressed her hand gently as she offered a small smile. Shrugging she looked down to the floor. "I'll be alright." He nodded watching her movements before the doors were pushed open causing them to step back from one another allowing the patient through.

They followed after the bed, Connie taking the sheet of paper from Iain as he reeled off her stats. Jacob helped move the bed into resus before Connie looked up at the patient. "She's 36 weeks pregnant, the baby seems to be in some distress but we've not said much on that front to her." Connie nodded to him as he disappeared from the room once again. "Okay Hannah my name's Mrs Beauchamp, can you tell me where it hurts?" "My chest... My baby, is my baby okay?" "We'll do all we can to make sure you're both fine."

Connie looked up to Jacob who was trying to reassure the young woman before them. Taking a deep breath, she continued on trying to ignore the situation as best she could but as she continued to treat her she was no longer able to forget her own experiences. "Boy or girl?" "A little girl, my partner didn't want to know but I wanted to be prepared."

Jacob laughed watching as Connie continued checking her over, trying to keep her distracted while she worked. "I think I'd like the surprise-" "Really? I couldn't think of anything worse." "Nah, waiting for that day and not knowing until they're there in your arms... I think it makes it more special."

Connie felt her stomach churn as she listened to him. Writing on the clipboard she quickly finished up, telling Jacob to book an ultrasound before disappearing hurriedly from the room. He frowned glancing after her but she was gone before he could say anything else. As soon as she was out of the doors, she rushed down the corridor catching Duffy's attention who stood at the edge of a cubicle. "Excuse me..." Shutting the curtain she ran after Connie, catching the bathroom door as she disappeared inside.

Leaning over the toilet, she collapsed to her knees not hearing the person that followed her. Duffy let the door shut before stepping behind Connie, moving to place a comforting hand to her back. "Is everything okay?" Without any thought the words fell from her lips before it was too late. "I had a miscarriage..." Duffy's eyes widened briefly before she crouched down beside Connie.

Taking a deep breath she flushed the toilet before feeling the tears running down her cheeks. "In the accident, I lost them and I didn't even know about them." "Oh Connie..." With a warm hand placed to her shoulder she shook her head crying. "I should have told him, but I couldn't- I can't. He'll hate me." "Come on, let's get out of here. We'll use Charlie's office."

Letting her help her up, she tidied herself up before leaving the toilets with Duffy close behind her. Charlie spotted them across the department as Duffy nodded her head towards his office. Connie sat down on the sofa silently, not having spoken a word since she'd admitted the truth to Duffy. Stepping outside when she saw Charlie coming she walked with him towards the staff room.

"I think there's something you should talk to Connie about, I don't feel the right one to do it..." He frowned as she finished making them each a cup of tea before traipsing back along the corridor to his office. Holding a mug out to Connie, she took it gratefully offering the faintest of smiles.

Charlie sat down carefully beside her while Duffy sat on a chair by the desk. "Connie?" Taking a deep breath she shut her eyes before turning to face him. "The day I went and sat with Grace, after the accident... I was so focused on her that I didn't think about my own symptoms, my own injuries- Maybe if I had, maybe if I stopped long enough-" Stopping she looked down to her hands seeing the mug tremble within her grasp. "When I went back to my own room, they told me the impact from the crash had caused me to miscarry... I didn't even know Charlie."

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as he quickly placed their mugs down pulling her into him. She fell forwards letting all her barriers drop. "I couldn't face him after I found out, it's why I pushed him away." Charlie wrapped his arms around her tightly knowing she needed the support right now. "Connie-" "If I hadn't have got involved with Steph and Carmel's case none of this would have happened, Grace would be okay and they'd still be here."

Moving her to sit backwards he looked to the pain in her face. "You're a doctor. If you hadn't have acted on your instincts than you wouldn't be the woman you are, the caring doctor who would do anything to protect her patient." Smiling briefly she shrugged. "At what cost? My own child's life-" "None of this was your fault... And he wouldn't think so either."

Shaking her head desperately he took her hand tightly. "Don't worry, he's not hearing this from either of us." Duffy smiled warmly as she moved closer placing a hand to her back. "He cares about you, he has done from the very moment he found you that day." Leaning forwards she let her head drop into her hands sniffing. "I can't, not yet." "Okay... When you're ready, until then we'll be here." "Whatever you need..." Connie smiled warmly looking between them before taking a deep breath.

"Take your time, we'll give you some space." Taking the mug from Charlie again a small smile came to her face. "Thank you..." Duffy looked to her with a caring smile before she was left to herself, wandering how she would ever build herself up enough to tell Jacob the truth.