Still Falling For You (Gilmore Girls)

It's Okay

Logan stood outside the apartment door and lightly tapped. He waited for a few moments before tapping again. He didn't really know why he felt so nervous. He had been so swept along with just going to see Rory but now he was stood outside the door to Jess's place and reality had begun to hit. Maybe she hadn't contacted him because she didn't want to see him? What was he going to say to her if that was the case? Should he fight for her or just walk away? Deep down he already knew the answer to that. He'd walked away once before, he would spend the rest of his life fighting for Rory if he had to. He was still deliberating these thoughts when finally the door opened.

Rory couldn't hide her surprise at seeing him standing there. "Logan! What are you...I mean...how did you..." she couldn't quite manage to get all her words out. He was the last person she had expected to find on the other side of the door and she immediately felt a little self-conscious about how she looked. Cursing herself she brushed her messy hair back out of her face and pulled into a ponytail.

"Can I come in?" he asked. Logan looked at Rory. She looked tired and emotional and her eyes lacked that sparkle he so loved, but she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

"Sure" Rory opened the door wider and gestured for Logan to enter the apartment. He walked in awkwardly, not feeling entirely comfortable being in Jess's apartment.

They both sat down next to each on the sofa. Rory looked down and fidgeted with her hands, only just realizing that she was still wearing her wedding ring.

"How did you know where I was?" she asked without looking up.

"Jess," Logan said.

"Oh!" Rory said a bit surprised that Jess would have gone to Logan. It seemed a little out of his comfort zone given the history of their last meeting many years ago. She didn't know whether she should be happy or mad with Jess for interfering. "I guess you know all about it then?"

"Not really, only that you've left your husband," Logan said. "Why didn't you call and let me know what was going on?" he asked gently. "I would have been there for you"

"I don't know Logan. It's just been really hard." Rory said without looking up at him. "I needed a bit of space for a few days."

"Rory talk to me," he said "Please". Logan knew she wasn't saying everything that she wanted to.

"Okay. Last time I saw you, I'd kind of already made my mind up that we wouldn't do that again. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing, more than amazing, but I figured I needed to work on things with James – getting married, it's a big thing, isn't it? You shouldn't just walk away without trying, right? When I said goodbye to you I told myself that was it but then it was just so hard to leave you, and you said you wanted to be with me, I was just really confused."

"Sorry" Logan smiled a little.

"Not your fault" Rory smiled. "It 's always nice to hear someone say something like that. Anyhow, in my crazy confused state I decided to go and see my mom to talk things over with her, and well you can imagine how smoothly that went."

"Pretty bad I am guessing?" Logan asked carefully. He knew that Lorelai probably wasn't a huge fan of his right now.

"She was generally okay, but clearly she felt that I shouldn't be giving up on my marriage so easily but how could I stay with him when I know it's not what I want. I can't keep pretending it is, neither of us are happy."

"So you went home and told James everything," Logan asked.

"Not everything." Rory wrinkled her nose "I didn't think there was any need to hurt him more than I already had – although I did tell him about being on the pill." Rory grimaced. "I don't know why I did that. It was like word vomit. Ugh, it was just so unpleasant and he was angry. I could deal with the anger but then he got upset and he basically begged me not to leave him. I told him I had to and it was so painful, I never wanted to see him like that. I was just so upset, that I came straight here, I just needed to lay low for a few days."