Bliss [Fin]

Twenty-four

Calvin stopped the car in front of her house. Lumabas ito at umikot para pagbuksan siya ng pinto. Bukas pa ang mga ilaw sa loob kaya alam niya na gising pa ang mga magulang niya.

"Tara." aya sakanya ni Calvin at naunang naglakad sa gate nila. She got het key and opened their gate.

Pagpasok sa bahay ay naabutan niya ang parents niya na nanonood sa living room.

"Good evening po, tito, tita." bati nito sa mga magulang niya.

Tinignan ng Nanay niya ang wall clock nila. "Maaga pa ah. Akala ko gagabihin kayo dahil kasama niyo sila Ailee."

"Mag-uusap din po kasi kami ni Vera. Pwede po ba na sa mag-usap lang po kami sa labas sandali?" paalam nito sa mga magulang niya.

Tumango ang Tatay Vin niya. "Sige, Calvin."

Walang sabing hinila nalang siya basta ni Calvin palabas ng pinto at gate nila. Nagulat siya nang buhatin siya nito at iniupo sa ibabaw ng trunk ng kotse.

Itinukod nito ang magkabilang kamay sa magkabilang gilid niya. "So let's talk about that stunt earlier."

She sighed and looked at Calvin. "Bakit pa kailangan pag-usapan? I think you know what I meant by that."

Huminga ng malalim si Calvin. "Because I need to know what's in here." Tinuro nito ang kaliwang dibdib niya na tinutukoy ang puso niya. "I want to know."

"Calvin.." buntong-hininga niya. Tuwid siyang naupo at huminga ng malalim ulit. "Gusto kita. Matagal naman na kasi. College pa lang tayo."

Nagulat ito at nangunot ang noo. "College? College palang tayo? Why didn't you tell me? We could've happen a long time ago."

Umusbong nanaman sa dibdib niya ang lungkot na naramdaman niya nang araw na aamin na sana siya rito na gusto niya ito. Naalala nanaman niya iyong mga panunukso ng mga kaibigan nito sakanya na sa simpleng pagkakaibigan nga lang nila ay marami na ang nagtataas ng kilay. Pero alam na niya ang dapat gawin. Walang mangyayari kung magpapadala nanaman siya sa mga insecurities niya.

"Don't lie, Calvin. Alam ko na kapag sinabi ko ang nararamdaman ko sa'yo noon, wala rin mangyayari." she said.

Kumunot lalo ang noo ni Calvin. "Hindi mo ba nararamdaman noon, Vera? How I cared for you, how I look out for you, how mad I am whenever I know you're hiding because someone is bullying you, how worried I am when I can't find you. Lahat ng 'yon hindi ka man lang nagkaroon ng hint na gusto kita?" sabi nito na may kaunting hinanakit. Calvin looked hurt when he answered her. His eyes were frustrated.

"Two weeks before our graduation, I baked a cake for you. Sabi ko, aamin ako sa'yo na gusto kita. I was on my way to your classroom but I heard you and your classmates talking. I stopped and listened how happy you sounded when Darlene said yes to be your girlfriend." pagkekwento niya. Kaagad na namutawi sa labi niya ang lungkot na ngiti. "Hindi mo makakalimutan kung paano mo ipinagdiinan sa mga kaklase mo na magkaibigan lang tayo at hindi na tayo lalagpas doon. That's also the first time you addressed me as fat. Alam ko na hindi mo 'yon sinabi para saktan ako, pero wala eh, nasaktan ako."

Calvin stayed quiet. He looked down and heard him mumbled some bad words. He's cussing himself. She held his chin and made him look to her. "Okay na 'yon. Nakaraan na."

"That was the reason why you avoided me and then you left for France all of a sudden?" mahinang tanong nito sakanya.

"That's one of the reasons. Pero plano ko na talaga magpunta ng France dahil pangarap ko 'yon." sagot niya.

Huminga ng malalim si Calvin at sinuklay ang buhok nito gamit ang mga daliri nito. "Fuck! I thought.. I thought that you don't think of me that way that's why I tried to date other girls dahil akala ko na kapag sinabi ko sa'yo ang nararamdaman ko, maiilang ka at iiwasan mo ko. I know you Vera, you're full of insecurities that eats your brain up. Natakot ako na baka kapag umiral iyon, iwasan mo ko."

She sighed and nodded. She agrees with him. That time, she's more fucked up. Teenager siya, she wanted to fit in, she wanted her crush to like her, she wanted to wear a bikini, marami siyang gusto pero hindi niya makuha dahil lang sa mataba siya. Kaya naiintindihan niya si Calvin kung bakit naisip nito iyon noon.

Calvin heaved out a deep sigh. He squeezed himself between her legs and then he hugged her. He rested his head on her stomach. Her hand automatically lifted and stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry, Vera. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you before."

She sighed. "I'm sorry too, Calvin. Alam ko na maraming beses kitang nasaktan lalo na nung gusto kong itago ang lahat sa'tin last year. Natatakot lang naman ako na baka iwan mo ako noon. Insecurities ko nanaman ang pinairal ko."

Calvin looked up to her. "We really need to do something with those insecurities. Why can a girl as perfect as you have those anyway?"

She chuckled and slapped his arm lightly. "I'm not perfect, Calvin."

Kumunot ang noo nito at nagtaas ng isang kilay. "Really? Then why are you perfect in my eyes?"

Natameme siya sa mabilisang pagbanat nito. Hindi siya nakasagot dahil kinikilig siya. Judging by the way Calvin's eyes bore into her, he seems so serious when he said that.

"You're beautiful Vera Rae. Mataba man o hindi, I don't think my love for you will change."

"Calvin, you're making me melt with your words." amin niya rito.

"It's true. I don't care how you look. What's important is what's in your heart. Alam mo ba kung bakit kita nagustuhan noon pa man bukod sa maganda ka?"

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Sige, why?"

Ngumisi si Calvin. "Because you're an incredible person. Hindi ka man sexy sa panlabas na anyo, pero para sa'kin sexy ka. Sa tingin mo bakit naging FHM's sexiest woman si Nadine Lustre?"

"Kasi marami siyang fans?" patanong na sagot niya.

Natawa si Calvin at pinisil ang ilong niya. "Yes and those fans believes and sees something in her that made her sexy to their eyes. Vera, hindi naman basehan ang kalakihan ng boobs, patambukan ng pwet, at paliitan ng bewang ang pagiging sexy. You're asking me why I find you sexy? Here's my answers.. It's how you stand tall despite all the mess in your life. It's how you carry yourself as a whole, how you carry a smile on your face even if you're sad. It's found in your heart. And all of these defines you, Vera."

Kumibot ang labi niya at mabilis siyang tumingala kasi nangingilid na ang mga luha niya. "Why do you always say the right words, Calvin?" Her voice cracked.

Natawa si Calvin at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi niya. Pinunasan nito ang mga luha niya. "Ang ganda pa rin talaga kahit umiiyak."

Ngumuso lang siya sa sinabi nito. Muli itong natawa. "Bakit ka ba umiiyak?"

Pinalo niya 'to sa balikat tapos ay niyakap ng mahigpit. She buried her face on his neck. "Let's start again, Calvin. I really want another chance for us."

She felt Calvin's arms wrapped around her. He kissed her temple and cradled her head. "Me too, Vera. That's all I ever wanted."

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