Colour of Desire {Enjonine}

Chapter 39

*Enjolras POV*

I stood facing the expectant crowd of people in front of me. I had never given a speech to this many people before.

"Good evening to you all." I began, just as I used to last year when I spoke to my friends. "I want to start off by apologizing to you all. It's my fault that these men died and believe me when I say that I carry the guilt with me every day."

"We don't blame you for anything, Monsiour." One of the women said. I smiled in thanks and began to speak again.

As was said before, my name is Enjolras and I was the leader of last years June rebellion, which took place in this very street. I stand before you now with only a crippled leg to remind me of what happened.

"We started out very small, a mere ten or twenty men in comparison to the numbers that later joined our group. Madame Houcheloup was kind enough to let us use the back room of the Cafe Musain, which I stand before now. It was there that our years of planning begun. We would go out and tell the people of our plans of a revolution. We gathered supporters and people who were willing to join us in the fight for freedom. By Christmas of last year we had a group of sixty men.

"At this point in time, ammunition was being gathered and we were meeting frequently in the cafe. Most of our planning was complete, but we still had some key details to go over. We didn't know when our revolution would take place or where to build a barricade. It was Gavroche Thenardier who came up with a solution to the latter: have the revolution when General Jean Maximilian Lamarque finally passed on. My good friend Joly had told us that the late general was growing ill. He probably wouldn't live to see the end of the year. As you know he was always speaking out for the lower class, but he could no longer stand up for us once he had passed.

"The other question of building a barricade was soon answered. Madame Thenardier, the mother of Gavroche and Eponine had come to our meetings and she suggested we use the Place Saint-Michel, this very road, where the cafe was situated. with all of our plans finally put together, all that was left to do was gather supporters and ammunition and wait for the day of revolution to dawn.

"General Lamarque died one the first of June 1832 and four days later he had a public funeral. It was there, outside the Bastille, where our cries of revolution first filled the air. We ran through the streets with our guns and swords, the National Guard on our heels. We built a barricade from everything we could get our hands on, wood, furniture, even the very paving stones beneath your feet. We used it all and erected a large barricade right here in front of the cafe. As we waited for an attack, we sat and told stories of our friends and family and of the new day that would finally dawn. What we didn't know was that none of us would see that dawn.

"My friends, earlier this evening a young man spoke to you about last years rebellion. He spoke well and from the heart, but he told you all what you wanted to hear. He told you of another revolution that would begin one day and you listened with great enthusiasm. But I am standing here now to tell you not to take a plan like that too lightly. You shouldn't be expecting a revolution to begin tomorrow, nor any day soon. I want us to be free, but I can't go through the pain and torment of watching each of my friends die for something we all wanted. I can't begin to tell you of the torture and guilt I feel everyday, knowing that I led a group of brave young men to their doom. There is nothing worse than watching your friends die at the hands of an enemy. They were willing to die, but that doesn't make me feel any better for the pain I put their families through. I know how you felt that day as you waited at home, wondering if your son or brother was coming home. I remember the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach as the hours ticked by and I still didn't know if my own loved one was still going to be there to share every day with. My wife, Eponine, was the first to be wounded and I couldn't bear to think of a life without her.

"We all lost someone that day. We knew that we would never be able to share another memory with them. They wanted us to see a new dawn when we awoke in the morning, a dawn of freedom and a fair world. So I beg you, friends, that every time you watch the sun rise, you will keep your loved ones close to you and remember the brave men who died for you last year. They must be remembered every day until their story is finally told."

I looked down at the register I held in my hand. "Please take a moment to remember them now."

My voice cracked slightly and Marius stepped forward. He took the register from my hands and began to read the names.

"Les Amis de l'ABC. Enjolras, Combeferre, Jean Prouvaire, Feuilly, Courfeyrac, Joly, Bahorel..." on and on down the list, he read every single name. I stood next to Eponine and listened, remembering my fallen friends and looking at the ones I had left,who now stood at my side. I remembered the bravery of Grantaire, a man who was willing to save my life and die instead. I knew that people were hoping that I would begin another revolution, but I knew that I would never be able to lead a group as brave and strong as those who were gone. I couldn't destroy more families by leading their sons to death.

When Marius was finished, he stood with us once more. We walked back to the crowd and gazed up at the sky of stars.

We had lost all of our closest friends to something they all believed in, and were willing to die for. We would have been with them, only that life had a better plan for us in the future. No doubt there would be bad days in our lives still to come, but none quite as terrible as watching your friends die before your very eyes. Our lives had been changed for the better and for the worse. We'd been to Hell and back again, but yet we lived on, hoping, perhaps in vain, that people would follow in our footsteps. We would one day be a free country, keeping our loved ones close to our hearts, for the rest of our days.