TW/ same as last chapter. Panic attacks, self harm, implied eating disorder, self hate
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It started with a panic attack, like most things did. Anxiety - not Virgil, never Virgil, he didn't deserve that name anymore - was curled in on himself, his knees up as far as they could go (it was somewhat painful, but then again everything was somewhat painful) as he clawed as his skin and pulled at his hair.
So of course that was the perfect time for him to be summoned, luckily the others weren't there to see him pathetically sobbing to himself as he curled even further into his protective ball of limbs. Unfortunately his host, the man who's life he had ruined so many years ago, was.
"Anxiety, are you okay?" Thomas asked kindly, hesitantly reaching forward until he was almost touching the dark trait. His question however just made him sob more and pull of his hair more frantically as his breathing got worse.
He didn't want Thomas to see him like this, he didn't want him to know how pathetic he truly was.
"Okay, that was a stupid question... Can you breath for me?" Thomas asked as he gently took Anxiety's hands from his hair and placed them on his chest, where the Side could feel his hosts heartbeat and breathing.
"In for four," Thomas said as he exaggerated his breathing, Anxiety tried to do the same but he ended up choking on a sob that forced its way past his throat. The Side only shook more, he couldn't breath,
"That's okay, we can try again. In for four and hold for seven," Thomas said soothingly as he continued to hold Anxiety's hands against his chest, making sure he could feel his chest moving as he did the breathing exercises with him. "Okay now exhale for eight."
They stayed like that until Anxiety's breathing calmed, although neither knew how long that took. Sobs no longer made his body tremble and his throat was not chocked up with unshed tears.
"Could you tell me what that was about?" Thomas asked after a few more minutes of waiting. He wanted to make sure the anxious side was able to talk before asking him anything.
"'S nothing," Anxiety mumbled as he pulled down his hoodie sleeves so that they covered his frail hands. Hands that where far to bony for it to be healthy.
"It's not nothing, it caused you to have a panic attack," Thomas nearly yelled before noticing the way the younger flinched away when he raised his voice.
"'M used to it," he mumbled and the way he said it broke Thomas' heart. He sounded so broken and resigned, like he had given up long ago.
"You shouldn't have to be used to this. Please, talk to me, I', worried," Thomas pleaded, he wanted to - needed to - help his broken Side. He needed to know what was wrong so he could start helping Anxiety fix it, so that Anxiety could start the long journey of recovery.
"I deserve it," Anxiety muttered, voice so soft that Thomas barely heard it. The soft spoken words broke Thomas' heart to hear and he wondered how someone could every think that they deserved such pain that it caused them to have (multiple) panic attack(s).
"Why?" Thomas asked instead of voicing the thoughts that where racing through his head, instead of saying that he didn't deserve it, because those thoughts wouldn't get him anywhere and he needed to know what was going on before he could help.
"I killed him," Anxiety said as he slowly uncurled himself from his ball of limbs, his hoodie sleeve rolling up slightly so that Thomas could see the skin underneath. Except he couldn't, the skin was covered in so many scars and cuts, burns and bites and bruises, that he couldn't see any skin but instead an amalgamation of wounds where skin should have been. Before Thomas knew what was happening the sleeve was pulled back down and he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
"Killed who?" He asked, horrified at what he had managed to catch a glimpse of. He, once again, did not voice these horrors knowing that it would only make Anxiety close up again.
"My... my bro-ther," Anxiety said as his voice broke and he started crying again.
"Who was your brother?" He said slowly, wanting to pull the younger into a hug and never let go.
"C-Confidence," He said as he wiped the tears from his (too thin, far too thin) face.
"Why do you think you killed him?" Thomas hated asking one question at a time, but he knew it was the only way to get any answers from Anxiety. Still he wanted to throw questions at him from every angle and find out the story right then and there.
"I exist... and the others said so," Anxiety said before sinking down, back into Thomas' head.
He didn't try to summon him again, knowing that he wouldn't come and if he did he wouldn't talk anymore, so instead he summoned the other Sides.
Ander flooded him as soon as he saw their smiling faces, he remembered the terror and pain and hate on Anxiety's face as they all beamed at him.
"Who was Confidence?" He blurted out before he could think of anything else to say and the others faces darkened.
"He was my best friend," Prince said as he stared at the floor, sadness clear in his eyes.
"Why do you blame Anxiety for his death?" He asked, his anger barely kept from his voice. Though the way with hands curled into fists told tales of his anger.
"Well, if Anxiety was not a leading Side then Confidence would still be a manifestation of.. himself.. and would not have died," Logic explained whilst Morality looked at the floor guiltily.
"Did you know that he was Anxiety's brother?" He yelled at them, anger escaping from his clutches and exploding in his wide gestures and furrowed eyebrows.
The others remained silent.
"Did you know that he had panic attacks because of how you treat him? That he refuses to open up because of the guilt you all inflicted?" Thomas was furious, he was pointing at the Sides, ignoring the somewhat guilty and regretful looks on their faces.
The others remained silent.
"Did you know that he self harms? That he thinks he deserves it, that it was his fault that his brother died? That it was because he existed?"
Morality moved forwards, as if he was about to say something. Thomas ignored the tears in the Sides eyes and stopped him.
"I'm going to go see Anxiety, and you are all going to think about how you treated him," he sighed as he started to walk out of his living room.
"I... we will come with you," Prince said as he stepped towards Thomas.
"No, you wont. You don't deserve to see him after what you did to him." And with that he was gone.
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HAHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT? N O P E.
FOR YOU, Work-N-Progress BC YOU HELEPED ME NOT GET DISTRACTED WHEN WRITING THIS.
((I MEAN THERE MIGHT BE A PART THREE IF YOU GUYS WANT BUT,, ITS UP TO YOU))
