TW/ implied (?) eating disorders, self-hate.
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Anxiety sat at his laptop, hitting the keys at an almost inhuman speed. Tears pooled inside his eyes yet they never fell, his hands trembled yet he pushed on and continued to write; the gentle tap tap tap was better than silence anyway. The way his eyes dance over the screen, reading what he had already write and wondering how he could add anything new onto it, was hypnotic.
But no one was around to see such an incredible thing; the careful shaking of his hand being subdued by his determination to finish his project and the way he bit his lip when he was deep in thought remained a mystery to all but the walls of the room that boxed him inside. It was both bliss and torture, having people so close yet so far would drive anyone mad after all. Yet he typed on, because that was all he could do.
He continued typing when the headache started. He refused to stop when his unshed tears finally blurred his vision. His hands still hit the keys even when the shaking was so bad he could hardly hit the key he needed to. He remained at his desk when the nausea kicked in and his stomach wanted nothing more than to empty the non-existent food that was in it.
He refused to stop until he was done, and when the poem was completed he forced his body to ignore his stomach and the full-bod trembles and instead went to bed.
(He only managed to get 3 hours, but it was better than usual on a bad night.
--- The Poem:
Self-hate
Something all to familiar
Whispering how good it is that you haven't ate.
Self-esteem
Something you do not have
The crushing weight of such a little thing is all there seems to be.
Depression
A natural progression
But without real reason you sit and cry, watching others just go by.
Suicide
Something to hide, to be ashamed of
Yet it still lingers at the back of your mind.
Crying. Crying. It's all you seem to do as these thoughts mix together and make you... you.
---
I wrote that a while ago and I needed to vent write (which is why this is so short) so I used it for Anxiety angst,,, whoops??
((I know the poem sucks shhh))
