I was embarrassed. I had never felt so ashamed of myself. I was cheating on my boyfriend. Even though after whatever happened between us, he didn’t deserve it. I hated myself. What had I turned into? A boyfriend stealer/cheater??? I couldn’t even face myself in the mirror.
The rest of the night was sleepless, spent with alternate sobbing and repenting. I had to get this off my chest. At 3 am in the morning, I finally built up the courage to tell Jake the truth. It was the right thing to do. I decided to confess first thing in the morning.
When I woke up, the sun was high up in the sky. It was probably noon. I repented on staying up all night. My eyes were swollen and my face was puffy. All the crying had developed dark rings under my eyes. Great. This is all I needed to top off a perfect morning. I freshened up and headed straight to Jake’s room, secretly hoping not to bump into Alex. I made a quick peek into Alex’s room. It was vacant, with everything in its perfect place. Okay, one problem at a time. I had to sort out this Jake thing first.
I had made a firm resolution to part ways with Jake. Last night I had realized what we had wasn’t love. I didn’t know yet if I loved Alex, or more importantly, if he would ever love me. But that didn’t matter. My father used to tell me that the worst relationship was one in which the partners had fallen out of love but yet couldn’t accept it. For me and Jake, it was over.
I knocked on the door. I felt I had lost the right to enter without permission.
“I told you Maria not to disturb me.” An angry, coarse voice came from the other side of the door.
“It’s me.” I stuttered, unable to speak properly because of the lump in my throat.
“You know you don’t have to knock Kate.” He got up, spreading his arms around me. “I don’t know what happened last night. And I’m sorry for being such a jerk. Our family doesn’t handle alcohol well. I shouldn’t have drunk around you. Please forgive me. You love me, right?”
I froze. This was not what I was prepared for. Why did he have to put me on a guilt trip right now? How could I confront him about Alex now?
I removed his arms from my waist, and took a step back.
“Jake this is not what I want to talk about.”
“I’m sorry.” He kept on repeating.
“About Alex…….”
Before I could even complete, Jake interrupted. “Oh, He’s out for a couple of days. A business trip kinda thing. But don’t stray from the topic. Are we ok?”
“I don’t know. There’s something I need to tell you……”
Jake’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Sorry babe, this would only take a second.” And he left, giving me a peck on the cheek.
Suddenly I heard something crash in the front porch. I ran outside to find Jake’s phone shattered to pieces.
“What happened?” I asked nervously.
“It’s from the hospital……..Jane……..” Before he could continue, he broke into tears and hugged me.
When we reached the hospital, we were told Jane had attempted to suicide. I couldn’t believe it. It took me a couple of hours to soak in the news. I mean, this was Jane we were talking about. The sweet, stunning, strong girl whose presence was enough to light up your mood. She was the girl who had taught me to handle my problems and helped me believe. She was the last person I could have ever thought who would commit suicide. What could have possibly gone wrong that had transformed this girl? There she was, lying in the hospital. Her wrist was wrapped in bandages. Her body was supported by artificial nutrition and machines. A doctor had been operating on her for what seemed like forever.
Jake was completely shaken. He blamed it all on himself. “I sent her away…..to spend some time alone with you…..It’s my fault.”
Jake didn’t not shut his eyelid for a moment until the doctor came out and personally reassured him that things were taken care of.
“Should we call your parents?” I asked Jake.
“Our parents died last year.”
“I’m sorry.”
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