A/N : Please listen to the monologue linked with the chapter! <3
Chapter 83
He looked at me as if I had stabbed him. Those brown eyes grew darker and darker. There was a menacing silence looming up in the room and it was horrifying. He did not say anything but continued to stare at me accusingly. His beautiful hair was disheveled on his forehead. I wanted to run my fingers through it. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, revealing his magnificent, strong arms. There was an intense pain in his eyes as he looked at me and it killed me.
"I told you not to....I TOLD YOU! CAN'T YOU FOLLOW ONE FUCKING THING I TELL YOU?" Alex yelled at me and I shuddered. His eyes were burning red. God, I had never seen him this mad.
"I understand if you don't feel the same way. I don't expect you to feel the same." I said, trying to save my crumbling castle. I couldn't let this happen.
"It doesn't work that way, Katy. Our relationship was based on this very thin line, and you crossed it. I can't be loved. I don't deserve to be loved."
I got down on my knees to match his level. Tears were already building up unwelcome in my eyes. I placed both hands on his face and stroked his stubble. "Please........don't do this. We're worth it. Try to remember what we have. Why do you feel you don't deserve to be loved?" He did not respond for awhile.
"Don't you think I deserve to know at least this?" A sob broke in my throat.
"I killed an innocent girl Katy........Angela was so young and even though I wasn't in love with her.... I was responsible for her death. Her images haunt me every second of my life....and being with you", he hesitated, and finally let it out "it's a constant reminder of her." This was it. How could I have overlooked it? It was right there. Alex saw the ghost of Angela in me. Every time he kissed me, he saw her .........my throat choked and I began to cry. I could not fathom the ache he went through to be with me. Alex wrapped his arms around me. "You are my elixir and my exacerbation. You are the most fascinating, wonderful woman I have ever known and you deserve so much more." He shut his eyes to control his pain. His face grew more and more determined as he finally said, "You'll have to go baby. I can't let you suffer with me."
"I don't want to go." I said, wiping my watering nose with the end of my sleeve.
"There is not another option." He removed his hands from my shoulders and took a step back. "I'll let you pack." He got up and slowly left the room.
I felt dizzy. I felt the urge to faint; everything seemed to go darker and darker. My throat burned and it felt as if I had just drunk a whole carton of acid. It was like my brain had stopped functioning. With the support of the bed, I got to my feet and mechanically dumped my belongings in my purse. Grabbing the hair tie on my wrist I did my hair in a messy bun and began to get out. I realized I was still wearing his shirt. I needed to get rid of it. It suddenly felt clinging to my skin, as if choking every ounce of breath left in my body.
I went to his closet and put on my clothes. When I came out, Alex was standing motionless and aimless in the hall with his back facing me. Hearing my footsteps, he said. "What would you like for breakfast?"
I scowled at him. Seriously? He had the audacity of breaking up with me and then inviting me for breakfast? "No, thank you, sir. I would like to leave."
"I won't allow you to leave without eating anything." He commanded me.
"You just lost that right." I said, while the realization engulfed me into new pain.
"I'll arrange a car for you then." He said, finally defeated; his voice low. I picked up my purse and made my way to the door. Alex followed me like a shadow quietly.
A black car drove up the porch. A driver emerged from the car and opened the back door for me. Stifling a sob, I turned to Alex and said, "Goodbye, Mr. Parker.
Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him till our noses were touching while his other arm wrapped around my waist. I flinched and protested with my fragile limbs. "Sshh...Katy....baby.....please......let me hold you for one last time. I want to savor this moment." He whispered in my ear imploringly. His voice was husky and needy.
I retreated impulsively. I couldn't let his sweet, lingering, decadent touch overpower me; not anymore. "No....Please, don't." I whimpered. "Don't make this any harder." Could this be any harder?
"I promise you Mr. Parker I won't do anything reckless this time." I said, cutting him off and got in the car.
Go to the deuce, Mr. Parker. I thought to myself as the car made its way on the highway. I can move on; start afresh. This relationship was probably never meant to be. Who was I kidding? I loved him with all my heart and nothing could change that. Nothing could ever compare to him. Why did it freaking hurt so much? It felt as if I had been punched in the stomach a million times. I felt like throwing up. I should keep calm. But how do I keep calm? My insides were shattering in a million pieces. How can I keep calm when I know that with every passing second, this man, this man who I love more than anything is drawn further away from me. I knew this day would come, Alex had been very clear. But how could I when I myself was all over the place? There was no I without him. I felt as if I was drowning into an endless abyss.
But I had to live; I had to breathe even though I didn't feel alive. I didn't want to burden Alex with anymore guilt. I opened my bag and put on my black sunglasses to cover my ruddy eyes. Life goes on. Maybe one day the pain will lessen. But tonight, I'm allowed to cry. After all, not all fairytales have a happy ending.
'People always ask,
"Do you still love him?"
Honestly, I don't really know.
But I do know there's something about him I can't let go.'
°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°'°º¤ø,¸,ø¤° THE END º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°'°º¤ø,¸
I honestly have no idea what to say......I'm overwhelmed with so many emotions right now. I just want to thank you, each one of you, for reading my work. It's not perfect; it has its flaws and it's raw. But the fact that you made it till here means so much to me. Please vote and comment if you liked it.
-AnonymousSoul13
(Zoe❤)
UPDATE: Yes, there is a sequel. It is titled 'Not Another Romance Story'. The book is up on my profile! ❤
