When did I become so numb?

The secret

Did Christian attempt to commit suicide?! No...

A whirlwind of thoughts and emotions washed over Ana, as she watched Christian sitting on the bed. There wasn't much light at the moment; only the moonlight illuminating the bedroom a little. Her eyes were fixed on Christian's, observing him as they silently sat so close to each other on the bed.

Ana noticed that he was glaring at her again, even though there wasn't much light in the room. It was going to be a battle, but Ana wanted to know, so she asked it anyway, prepared for his reaction.

"What happened, Christian? How did you almost drown?"

As those words reached his ears, Christian's eyes fluttered shut. Ana waited and wanted to comfort him by placing a hand on his upper arm. But when his eyes opened and she saw the look he gave her, she instantly threw that idea out the window.

"She had filed a ridiculous lawsuit against me, wanting to destroy us, Ana. She purposely did that, you know! She couldn't bear seeing you and me together. And yet, it didn't bring me down, because I thought you were there for me. And I desperately wanted to marry you. I needed you more than ever, Ana." He replied, his voice filled with utter pain.

Ana's eyes began to water, when those words tumbled from his lips, an excruciating pain cutting through her heart and soul.

"Christian, I know. I know that. I wanted to marry you too, believe me." She said softly, her voice breaking in the end, while placing a hand on his.

He shook his head and tore his hand roughly from her, the second Ana placed it on his. She expected it and yet it hurt like hell.

"Why are you such a liar, Ana? I loved you and needed you. During Leila's lawsuit, you were the only thing that kept me going. But you left me." Christian accused." I don't understand what happened, Ana. We both knew that it was going to be a brutal sexual harassment case, but I thought you had my back."

Ana avoided his gaze at that, tears spilling from her eyes.

Her reaction made Christian's anger rise inside him, burning in the bowels of his stomach." Look at me!" he roared, almost having the urge to put his hands on her upper arms and shake her till she explained herself.

Ana looked up at him, while her hands trembled heavily." What is it that you want from me, Christian? I'm sorry, OK? Is that what you want? Want me to grovel at your feet?"

Christian shook his head." No, I do not want that. I don't give a crap if you're sorry or not. I really don't! And I don't need your apology, Ana. But I do want you to know that I will never forgive you for leaving me."

As she locked eyes with him, Ana said." I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness, Christian. But I want you to know that I didn't want to leave you."

"Then why did you, Ana?" he shouted and glared at her." Were you embarrassed by me? Were you ashamed of me?"

Ana shook her head." No, that wasn't it."

Christian let out a deep breath and cleared his throat." Leila's lawsuit against me seemed strong at first, but I had very good lawyers. It was eventually thrown out of court, but you left before that happened. I don't understand what I did wrong, Ana. Did you believe that I was guilty?! Did you honestly believe I did what she accused me of? That I was capable of something awful like that?" He asked, his voice shaky, the look in his eyes heartbreaking.

She locked eyes with him and shook her head furiously. "No, I didn't think you were guilty, Chr..." she replied, but he cut her off.

"Then why did you leave?" he shouted, while clenching his hands into fists.