rogue 1 crack

Every Jassian Fic Ever

Please don't get offended. This was only meant for humor.
==========================================
Cassian and Jyn stared at the beam of light racing towards them. Without a word, they embraced each other into the last hug they would ever receive, thinking about all they had accomplished over their lifespan. They were going to leave this world with no regrets.

Except one.

'I wish I spent more time with Cassian,' Jyn thought. And then she had a badass thought. "We're gonna get out of here!" She yelled to Cassian.

"What?" Came his response. Just then the beam ate them. But Jyn's Kyber Crystal put a Kyber Shield around them and they lived. Jyn and Cassian were knocked out though.

They woke up and there was a TIE that had been saved by the Kyber Crystal too! "Yay! Transport!" They cheered and hopped in. Cassian flew back to the Rebellion Base. They made out in the cockpit. Then they were shot at by X-Wings.

"Do something!" Jyn screamed.

"I know!" Cassian screamed back. He contacted Rebellion. "DON'T SHOOT US!! WE'RE FRIENDLY!!! WE WON'T BITE!!!"

"What the fuck?" Jyn muttered.

"What's your call sign?" Dravis demanded.

"Rogue One."

"Okay. You're good!"

They landed the TIE and everyone was happy they survived. Cassian and Jyn then got to meet the Princess of Alderaan and they were awarded medals. Or that was the plan.

Then Mon Mothma said "I am the bitchy woman who is going to assign you to another mission."

"We don't want another mission," said Cassian. "We just want to spend time together."

"No," said Mothma.

"Then we will run away!" Jyn exclaimed. And that's what happened. They ran away...

And right into Krennic. "MWAHAHAHAHA I AM THE EVIL KRENNIC FROM THE DEAD!!!" He screeched. Jyn shot him.

"Damn. And he only got one chapter of glory," said Cassian. "Oh well!"

They hunted Imperials and got another droid. Cassian had K-2SO's original programming in a flash drive (NO ONE ASKS HOW ITS STILL IN GOOD CONDITION) and they steal an Imperial droid and K-2SO is born.

"SASS TIME!" K2 says.

"Shut up." Jyn snapped. K-2SO didn't and Cassian was not happy about it.

Jyn and Cassian then made out again and had sex and K-2SO interrupted them halfway through but then Jyn found out later she got pregnant. She did lots of throwing up and fainting. Then a baby girl was born. "Her name is Rey!" Jyn exclaimed.

Later, Cassian and Jyn adopted. "Their names are Finn and Poe!" Jyn said.

And then they met Leia again who had a son. "His name is Ben!" She said.

"Yay!" Said Cassian, who never had a say in naming anyone.

K-2SO just laughed and sassed off Luke and Han.

Then everyone lived happily ever after. Until the First Order rose, Jyn and Cassian had to leave Rey on a desert because they didn't want her traveling to Lah'mu with them, Finn got lost, Poe went with Leia, and chaos broke out.

Except for Jyn and Cassian who lived until old age and died. And K-2SO still laughed and sassed.

The end.