rogue 1 crack

Every Galennic Fic Ever

Galen and Orson were best friends in the Republic's Futures Program. Needless to say, Orson fell in love with him and considered marrying him. He did nice romantic things to Galen and Galen seemed like he was falling in love. And then...

A strange brown haired woman came up and randomly said "Marry me!"

And Galen said "Okay!"

So Galen married Lyra (as her name was). And they had a daughter. And Krennic was so pissed that he spent years pining over lost love. Then he or an opportunity and killed Lyra. BUT THEN HE FINDS OUT THEY HAD A CHILD!! SO NOW HE HAS TO KILL THE KID TOO-

Wait a second... this is Rogue One. Let's start over.

GALEN ERSO lived in a city AU. Next door/apartment over lived Orson Krennic. They either remember each other from high school/college (unless this is a college AU) or they just met.

Orson fell in love with Galen the first day he saw him. But Galen, being stupid, didn't realize that. "Why do you always blush and act girly around me?" Galen asked.

"I love you!" Orson said.

"Oh. Whatever." And Galen ignored him.

Yet this didn't discourage Orson. Orson tried to woo him and Galen just plucked away at his life job, being the workaholic he was.

Then a woman named Lyra appeared. And the writer promptly killed her off screen.

Orson finally got Galen to go on a date with him. "I'm gonna bring you to one of my favourites, Lé Kætoo (or some shit like that). It's really rich and fancy because I'm a fancy man."

They eat their pineapples and veggies. "This is the best food I've ever tasted!" Galen screeches. He blushes and Orson copies.

Then they have a steamy scene. And they get kicked from the restaurant by the owner, Cassian Andor/Baze Malbus/Chirrut Îmwe, and his pet dog, Kaytuesso.

God, they were just making out! We weren't even at the second half of the fun!

Orson then starts visiting Galen at his life job (because Orson either gets a long break or is so rich he needs no job). He finds out Galen works with a man named Bodhi.

"Hi! I'm Bodhi! I'm a really nice guy who's a bit of a nervous wreck but aside from those two traits, I don't have any good character development because this story is about Galen and Orson, not a threesome. Teehee!"

As time passes, Galen soon becomes aware of the strange sensation he feels in his heart. "What is this strange feeling?" He asked himself. Orson was about to tell him when Galen realised exactly what it was.

"The Pituitary Gland Sending Adrenaline Hormones to My Dick!"

"It's called Love," Orson said.

"That's much shorter to say!" Galen said.

Orson and Galen finally get that well deserved love scene (weather it be smut or fluff) and no restaurants are scarred in the process. Bodhi plays the third wheel position and an OC becomes Friend A (that's what Lyra could have been for!!).

Then Bodhi and the OC mysteriously disappear from the plot but we don't care about that because TARKIN AND VADER have appeared! They're somehow connected to Orson via Unknown/unclear reasoning.

"You cannot marry Galen!" Tarkin screams.

"Why?" Orson whines.

"Because it is against the Vader Laws!" Vader says.

"But I love him! I want to marry him!" Orson cries. And Tarkin says:

"Nu."

Much angst ensues and Orson and Galen consider not continuing their relationship. But of course, Orson realises he doesn't care what Tarkin and Vader say and he elopes Galen (wait a second Orson's an adult). They say their vows and become the happiest damned couple since Anakin and Padme. And Tarkin and Vader get mad but then a piano drops on their head and they die.

Then Galen says "I want a child!"

"Me too!" Orson says, deciding to go with the flow.

The happy couple adopt/birth a child. It's a girl. They name her Jyn. And Jyn grows up and Orson becomes a great father while Galen needs to be taught even though 20% of the time he's the one that gave birth to Jyn.

What. The. Fuck.
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Ayyee it's finally my birthday!