The Bad Part About Loving Her

Chapter 9

Alex had been nervous going to bed. She wasn't ready for the emotions that came along with telling Dr. Hallandale everything. She laid awake in her bed, looking around. She hated this room. Before she knew it, it was morning. She knew Dr. Hallandale would gripe about her not sleeping, but what was she to do, she was restless. The nurse on this shift came and gave her breakfast. Stale toast, runny eggs, dry bacon, and bitter orange juice. She pushed the tray away and waited for Dr. Hallandale who was supposed to come at nine.

"Where is she?". Alex asked no one in particular.

Once she finished her sentence the door opened and Dr. Hallandale walked in.

"Sorry I'm late, we had an attempted suicide on the level four wing". She explained.

"What level am I on?". Alex asked.

"Level two". Dr. Hallandale answered.

Alex nodded.

"You ready?". Dr. Hallandale got her note pad out.

Alex nodded.

"I want you to know if at any moment you want to stop, you can and you won't be punished in any way. This is for you to get out all the bottled up emotions inside.". Dr. Hallandale informed her.

Alex nodded again.

"Ok lets begin, lets start at your childhood". Dr. Hallandale sighed.

Alex laughed bitterly.

"What's so funny?". Dr. Hallandale frowned.

"Because as a child that's supposed to be the happy days, but for me, they weren't". Alex sighed.

Dr. Hallandale wrote something on her notepad.

When I was born, my Mother and Father were in their twenties. I was a surprise for them, and having a newborn didn't stop their grind. They sold drugs. You'd think that would slow down once I came along. It didn't. I was raised thinking each of their clients was my Aunt or Uncle. I never had playdates. I never was allowed to go into certain rooms of my own home. The only person I trusted was my best friend Jordan who I met in kindergarten. There was one incident where Child Services did get involved. One of my parents had left the door wide open. I walked in and there is a pound of coke on the table, me being a kid I think its some type of candy or sugar. I eat the whole damn thing. Few minutes later I'm at school throwing up and having a seizure. I nearly died choking on my own vomit. I was rushed to the hospital, it took my parents a couple days to come and find me. As a kindergartener you learn where your address is and what your parents do for a living and what their names are. I wasn't even taught what their names started with. I just knew them as Mommy and Daddy. Once the doctors found out what was in my system, a million questions arose. What was a child doing with that much drugs in her system? Where did she get it? Why wasn't she being watched? I was raised to keep my mouth shut unless my Mom told me it was ok to speak. And since she wasn't there to tell me to talk, I was mute. So once my parents found me, I was detoxing. My Mom wanted me out right then and there. But Child Services had other ideas. Once I made a full recovery, I was sent to live in a foster home. It was me and two other kids that went to my school. It was weird answering their questions because these kids thought I was living the life because I had name brand everything. After a couple months my Dad was able to get me back. He and my Mom had split up during those couple months so it was hard transitioning to a one parent household. My Dad had gotten out of the drug game and actually managed to get a simple nine to five. My Mother on the other hand was selling at an all time high. Since my Father was gone, she was top dog. After work, my Dad came home one day with my Mother behind him. She had told him she wanted to make things work. We were having a good day until my Mom shot and killed my Father in cold blood right in front of me. She dragged me out of the house and burned it down. I didn't get a chance to morn my father's death. As a kid you try and tell yourself that whatever bad thing your parent does never happened or its normal. And my Mother made sure I didn't open my mouth. We moved out of the state so detectives really had no trace of where we were. We started new, like the last five years never happened. My mother ended up getting a nine to five. She acted like nothing happened. Of course she sold a little here and there when things weren't going good on her job. I was mostly left with nannies and babysitters. They'd be fired when she thought they were getting too suspicious. And that was my childhood.

"Well, did your Mother ever go to jail for her crime?". Dr. Hallandale asked.

"Nope". Alex shook her head.

"Wow". Dr. Hallandale was shocked.

"So, am I allowed to have visitors?". Alex asked hoping somebody would come in to visit.

"Yes but just three a day". Dr. Hallandale nodded.

"Can you contact someone for me?". Alex looked hopeful.

"Sure". Dr. Hallandale looked at her watch.

"OK, I need you to contact Jordan Nicholson, she is my best friend". Alex was happy thinking of Jordan.

"I'll be sure to call her before my next meeting". Dr. Hallandale began packing up.

"Dr. Hallandale?". Alex called.

"Yes?". Dr. Hallandale stopped at the door.

"Thanks for listening". Alex smiled softly.

"Gladly". Dr. Hallandale smiled then left.