Doctor, Please (Superwholock)

Facing the Consequences

Chapter 33

It was the heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. The radio was the only sound in the room.

"Would you mind shutting that off," Sam said, shifting in his seat. Dean clicked the off button on the stereo and silence filled the room. He stood staring at his brother who sat, refusing to make eye contact.

"Tell me one more time what happened," Dean asked.

"I died, I came back. There's nothing to talk about."

"Sammy," Dean knew Sam was holding something back.

"You only call me that when you're worried. I'm fine, Dean." Sam pushed himself out of the maroon armchair and headed for the door. Dean grabbed his shoulder.

"Please, tell me what's wrong." Sam shrugged his brother's hand off and pulled open the door.

"I need some air." Sam rushed away from that room feeling Dean's eyes burning into him as he left. He left the church and sat on the cement stairs by the entrance. The air was muggy and warm, and Sam felt as if he was being watched.

He didn't know the archangel of death was watching him.

And he didn't know what Castiel had done to bring him back.

.

Castiel paced around a small room, empty except for him and his thoughts. He could still feel the blade in his hand as it plunged into the man's chest. He could feel his fear, see the fright in his eyes.

The man was worthless, Castiel tried to reassure himself. He killed his wife and lived under a highway. Not much of a man at all.

Then why do I feel so guilty.

Castiel let these thoughts eat away at him. Azrael would only bring Sam back if Castiel killed someone, so he figured kill someone who deserved death. But did he deserve death? Did anyone? Only one thing could make Castiel feel better, and that person walked into the room.

"Hey Cas," Dean murmured.

"Dean, how do you feel after you kill someone?"

"What?"

"You know, do you feel satisfied, guilty, powerful..."

"Why the hell are you asking me this?"

"Just wondering." Dean chewed on the inside of his lip and burrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, if I killed someone, they probably did something bad. And by killing them it just protects the people around them."

"Doesn't that person deserve another chance?"

"I've lived long enough to learn that if you try to give someone a second chance, they'll just hurt more people." Castiel pondered this for a moment.

"How's Sam?"

"Alive, thanks to you. But there's something he's not telling me. I feel like I'm missing something, Cas."

"Dean, I killed a man." Castiel looked into the hunter's eyes.

"What?"

"He wasn't a demon or an angel, just a man." Dean stood there, not knowing what to say. They kill things all the time. Why is this man any different? "You know I'd do anything for you and Sam," Castiel continued, "but I'm tired, Dean. I'm tired of the death and the monsters and the lies," tears swelled in his eyes and Dean pulled Castiel close and wrapped his arms around him.

He patted his back and whispered, "Me too."

.

I died, I came back. There's nothing to talk about. Sam thought about his lie to Dean. There was so much that happened in that short amount of time. If he told his brother it would only add to his burden. So Sam kept the secrets and the pain to himself. The endless darkness and suffering. I've died before but this time was much worse.