I Loved You First // Jerrie Fanfic

Chapter 25

Last few days were fucked up. I feel so lonely. I feel like I have no one, I have no one to talk to. At home things are also not that well. I am depressed or maybe I want to feel depressed. I was sitting on my chair doing my homework when I saw a scissor and I took it and stared at it for 5 minutes. I rolled up my sleeve and brought the scissor to my wrist and cut my wrist. It did hurt but not that much I made 4 lines and it felt good to see them, it felt good to see for once pain being on the outside and not the inside. I don't know why I did it, but it felt good so I started doing it every day. One day my mom noticed but I told her it was an accident also Liam saw it but he does understand because he also had some experiences with that. Jesy also saw and she does help a lot and then one day this happened in class.

"Jade, can I sit next to you?" Perrie asked.

"Yeah, sure." I answered.

A few minutes passed by and she said something.

"What is that on your arm?"

"What is what?"

"Show me your arm."

"What why?"

"I saw it show me your arm."

"There is nothing to see."

"Show it." She said as she took my arm and looked at my wrist.

"Jade, why?"

"It was an accident."

"This doesn't look like an accident."

"Okay fine I did it, happy now?"

"How? How did you do this?"

"With scissors."

"Jade... don't do this. How long have you been doing this?"

"That doesn't matter."
"Jade please." She said but I just ignored her.

"You can always talk to me you know that."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, always."

Maybe I really can talk to her. So after school I went home and texted her. But the response wasn't exactly what I expected it to be. She told me that I can always talk to her. I send her a picture of a knife and told her that i'm having a hard time not to touch it. She just ignored what I said and just asked something about our English essay. So it was a lie? I can't talk to her that fucking essay is way more important? She could've helped me but she didn't and that's when I took the knife and hurt myself. I called Liam and he did make me feel better.

The next 2 weeks we didn't talk much. I stopped hurting myself or at least I hurt myself less right now. In 2 days we're going to Paris with our school for 4 days. I am excited but how excited should I be if Perrie doesn't even talk to me. But something happened. After school she came to me and started talking.

"Jade, can we talk?"

"Yeah." I said as I nodded.

"How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Do you still hurt yourself?"

"No."

"I'm glad, I was really worried. You've been ignoring me for the past 2 weeks. Why?"

"Why? You really ask me that?"

"I don't know what I did." She said with a confused look.

"You ignored me when I was about to hurt myself. Instead of helping me you just talked about that fucking essay" I said looking away.

"I really didn't realize I did that Jade." She said looking into my eyes.

"Whatever it's okay."

"I just want to be friends again, like how we used to be before all this drama."

"I also want that." I admitted.

"We're going to Paris in 2 days and I just wanna have fun and I know it'll be a lot more fun if we actually talk."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I'm sorry for ignoring you then, I really didn't mean that. I promise i'm gonna be a better friend from now on."

"Well, you make a lot of promises but you don't always keep them do you." I said raising my eyebrows.

"Just give me a chance."

"You know I already gave you a chance."

"Thank you."

"Well, euhm will you sit next to me in the bus when we're going to Paris? Or are you sitting next to Lauren?" I asked.

"Lauren is not gonna like that but okay, i'll sit next to you. What about Leigh Anne though?"

"As you see she made new friends. She doesn't really need me anymore." I said looking down.

"Well, you have me now." She said touching my hand.

"I hope it'll stay like that."

"Yeah, I need to go now. See you later." She said as she walked away.

Now that Perrie and I talk again i'm actually really excited to go to Paris. I hope we'll have a lot of fun. I'm not staying in the same room as Perrie though, i'm staying with Leigh and another girl from our class. But i'll still see her all day and she will sit next to me on our ride.

Updateee. I'm so so sorry that I haven't updated in like forever. I just didn't feel like writing for a while but now i'm back on it. So please keep reading. Also leave a comment and voteeee.