When We Were Younger... (Book One) (MJ Fan Fic)

21~ Bad Things Turn Good

•Michael POV•

I can't believe I did that!

I didn't mean to hurt her. I just wanted the numbing pain to float away and before I knew it, I was shoving two fingers inside her with no hesitation, no build up to the moment at all and only stopping once hearing her scream out in agony. I couldn't face watching the tears stream down her face because of me, so getting out of there fast was my only option. I panicked. I got scared of what she was going to say, what she was going to do and now I can't even face her anymore.

It's been two whole days since and I've successfully managed to not have a single conversation with her. I've pathetically stood her up when it came time for our early morning talks we have and thankfully with me being busy on this tour, I have an excuse as to why I'm practically too busy to talk during the day. The only hard parts were when we were let out for breaks during rehearsals and I practically ignore her existence. She caught onto what I was doing pretty quickly though and just stopped coming to the rehearsals all together.

I know I'm running from my problems but I can't stand to face her after what I did. I hurt her after all those promises I made to her that I wouldn't. How will she ever trust me to ever go near her again? I wouldn't even be surprised if she broke up with me. And it's not even just Shanelle who I haven't been able to face these past couple of days. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. All I feel is complete disgust and disappointment when my reflection stares back at me.

But not all of what I did has me in this bad funk. I also got word from Mr. Gordy yesterday telling me I would have to have her to work immediately on the new album he has put together for us meaning for me, many long sleepless nights in the studio while he pushes every note out of me to the point of exhaustion. I never express how much pressure he, the label, and Joseph put on me to hold all my brothers up on this high pedestal. It's never the 6 of us going night in and night out getting things done, it's always me and things only heightened as we got older. Everything about me has to be perfect and up to speed. Every note must be hit, dances done to perfection, and I have to make it look and speak as if things just comes naturally to me when all reality, I'm just like every other human on this earth. I have fears and insecurities. I make mistakes more than anyone I know. I feel pain, sadness, anger, frustration just like the rest of the world with no one to share it with now.

We are now packed into the van, riding in silence to the venue and upon getting there, my brothers and I rush to the dressing rooms to get changed like we always do. I get ordered to sit down in front of a vanity and out of thin air, three women come out of nowhere, fluffing my fro, applying my make up, and fixing my wardrobe. I look through the mirror at Jackie and Jermaine who are play fighting about some groupie that called dibs on while Randy watches amused as he munches on his candy.

"Hey, Mike." I hear Marlon say, taking a seat next to me as three more women come and do the same thing they are doing on me to him. "What's up with you and Shanelle? Y'all fighting or something?"

I connect my eyes with my reflection before cutting my eyes to the left and mumbling back, "Something like that."

"What you do, Mike? Were you too childish and girly for her?" Jermaine teases, huffing out of breath.

"She getting tired of you man?" Jackie adds, giggling with Tito on the side.

"More like he getting tired of her." Randy jumps in, standing on the couch he was once sitting on, swinging his twizzler around. "He been ignoring her all through rehearsals. She been tryna talk to him and he ain't even been listening."

I roll my eyes because I know the hazing was about to start in 3.....2......1.

"What's wrong, Mike? She ain't giving up the booty man?" Jackie laughs right on cue, messing up my hair to much distress to the woman who had just finished fluffing it to perfection just seconds ago.