Loves a Fight

Chapter XL Kains P.O.V

Her eyes are burned into my mind as I drive home.
She looked so hollow.
Even more hollow than when I met her.
She used to always let me in and now I couldn't see anything she was feeling...
I was flying blind.

The words replay over and over in my head.
She told me everything I needed to know in a place I never looked for her...

The reason she left me was sitting in my hands the whole time and I never even looked.
Something tells me I don't really want to know what that recording holds.
I didn't even realize she cut her hair until now...
I ignored her so much I didn't even see something that should have caught my eyes immediately.
I totally fucked everything you and I don't know if there is a way to even fix it...

She hates me now and I have to give her space and time.
I fucked her up, but if she'll let me I would love to put her back together.
This time I'll show her the man I was before my family was taken from me.
I'll show her how much love I can truly give her.

This wasn't what I wanted for us.
When I recovered I wanted to keep her by my side forever.
I wanted to build her dream home and have a family again.
I wanted everything with that woman.
That's why when she left if fucked me up.

All I want to do for the rest of my life is feel her love.
I want to give her my everything until I have nothing.
She deserves everything in life and I will give it to her.
Thats all I can give to her...
Everything.

My house comes into view and I see Noel looking up at Liam asking him something.
He looks down to her like a broken man.
I know he still likes her as a friend...
I just made him act like he hated her guts...
He says something as I leave my car.
She must have asked to go in because he opened the door.

She ran in and vanished from my view.
The pain hasn't stopped yet.
She may be alive, but I may never see her again.
If she wants to leave after a few weeks then she can leave.
I will not be holding her captive.
She will just hate me more...
I can't bare to feel anymore hate from the only person I love...
Is this how she felt when I was taking away her will to live?
No wonder she tried to kill herself...
The pain in my heart is almost unbearable...

What happened to those days where we both could just laugh?
The day I met her I was so happy.
I smiled the entire time I was with her.
Even though she beat the living shit out of Liam...

I miss the old us.
The way we could lay in the same bed and just be peaceful.
The way we could talk to each other without feeling so much pain.
I miss feeling free with her...

Opening the door to my home I see she is no where to be found.
Worry sets in and I sprint up the stairs to her room.
I bust the door down and see her laying in the bed.
Her small frame curled up in a ball.

"Noel..." I ask with worry evident in my tone.
I can hear small sniffles from where she is.
She's crying...

"Please don't cry angel..." I whisper staying put where I am even though I want to wrap her in my arms.
I can't act like nothing happened because something did.
I fucked her up even more than her father did and that makes me sick...

"You were wrong..." I say while tears fall from my eyes.
She hasn't said anything and I understand why.
She wants me gone and I don't blame her.
I broke her heart...

"I am worse than your father..." I say turning away.
I hear her sit up and stop crying.
I feel her eyes on me, but I don't look back.
She needs time.
If I just stay with her now she will have never let go of all the pain I caused her.

Closing the door behind me I think of what it was like before all this happened.
Her figuring out what it felt like to be loved.
Remembering that reminds me of the video.
She told me why she left in that video.