Loves a Fight

Chapter LVII Noels P.O.V

My eyes are open but I don't see the world.
Everything is wrong.
I thought I had everything figured out for the longest time.
Survive and bail.
That was my plan since my mom died.
Make it out of that hell alive and run for my life.

Why did I do that?
Everyone knows about my pain...
All the scars and all the memories that haunted me each and every day of my life.
Having everyone know my pain makes me sick because I know they will never truly understand it.
They will try and see it but they will never really know how to fix me.
There is no fixing me.

Thunder boomed in the background as I just stared at a wall.
I'm done with everything.
Those people in the lobby deserve to have never met me.
Now all I do is bring them pain...
They shouldn't have to carry my pain with them.
They don't have to...

I need to leave this town...
This isn't where I can be anymore.
My family is gone and so was my new one.
There was nothing left for me here.
Kain...

Can I really be mad at him for doing what he wanted to do?
He deserves to be happy and that means he leaves me then that's fine with me.
I just can't watch him love someone else...
Why were they better than me?
They hadn't been destroyed by there past and would be able to carry Kains heart which was much larger than he believed it was.
I see the way he looks at things with either love or hate.

When we would lay together and he would speak of absolutely nothing at all I could see was the love radiating from him.
His eyes were free and he smiled while he humored himself.
I may not have found it funny but I did understand him.

I feel like I've known Kain forever when in all reality I've only known him for a year.
In that year I almost died a million times.
He was always there to save me and I loved him for it.
Someone who was supposed to be evil and a monster made sure nothing ever happened to me.

He was a monster, but he was my monster.
His demons were mine and I fought them off by his side.
He fought mine in return.
Now we both don't have each other so the demons are taking control and I don't know if I can stop them this time...
I just don't know if I want to...

If I finally drown in my pain and stop trying to float what will happen?
If I jump into the fire of fear and stop trying to put it out will I feel free?
After everything is it finally time to just let go?

A small noise in the back of my head alerted me that there were indeed people in my room, but I continue to shut everything out and look out the window.
My mind is telling me the demons will ruin me, but my heart is begging me to let them out.
Begging me to stop the waves of pain trying to drown me.

When I met Kain I hated him.
I believed he was a stupid guy who was just going to piss me off all the time and get me suspended when I kicked his ass.
Then I actually got to know him.
He protected me even when he shouldn't have.
He fought for me when he really didn't have to.
He placed me first in line and made sure I was always safe.
I guess that's why it hurts so much.

He blinded me with the comfort and the reassurance.
I didn't see the pain sneaking up on me.
It grabbed me and pulled me under.
Now I can't seem to escape it...
I just keep getting dragged deeper and deeper into the pit of black nothing...
No love.
Fear abolished while pain entered my lungs making it hard to breathe.
I scream out for help and no noise comes from my throat.
Pain had taken me and there was no escape this time...

All I want is to rewind to the few moments we did share as a couple.
The smiles and the endless amount of love.
How his touch eased my fears and put to rest my pain...
He truly changed me in a way I can never thank him for.