Loves a Fight

Chapter XLIV Kains P.O.V

In all our fights I don't ever remember her yelling back at me.
Her pain and heartbreak was all I saw in her eyes.
The things I said weren't supposed to make her think about it again.
Her attempting suicide fucked our whole relationship.
I don't think I can ever treat her like I used to.
Now all I want to do is make sure nothing ever hurts her again.

My heart is heavy as I walk back into our house.
The boys are all looking at the stairs shocked.
Then their eyes are on me angrily.
Adrian looking livid while Luke heads up the stairs.
That used to be him...

I walk into the living room and see every single guy I used to destroy her.
She is right...
I fucking ruined her and I don't know if we will ever be able to be the same after that.
All I want is her and I don't know if she will ever give herself fully to me again.
How many times have I told her I loved her since I fucked up?
Not once....

"I don't think I actually love her... I think I love the idea of her and me... I don't think it's real or ever really was..." I whisper and every single guy is looking at me like I just said the unthinkable.
Liam looks shocked I said something like that.
Everyone looks like they don't believe me.

"Thats impossible Kain. We saw you after she was shot. You waited with her after so many days and nights. If that isn't fucking love then I don't know what is..." Liam says looking to Adrian for something more...

"Kain you went on a fucking suicide mission for her. She didn't ask you to do that Kain. You did it because you love her.... Don't say you never did..." Adrian says and I still don't believe a word they are saying.
Maybe I just felt sorry for her or something.
What we have can't be love.
She has never once yelled at me before and seeing her finally do it means that she may actually love me.
I always yelled at her so does that mean I love her or I'm just a prick?

"I just, I don't know what to do anymore. I think we are officially out of ways do bullshit our way into this relationship... I ruined her life. I shattered her heart and I really don't think it is possible to fix it" my eyes look to the person in the room who hasn't said anything...
Joey is looking at me like he doesn't understand.

"After everything you are just now giving up on her Kain! You are just like everyone else! One little thing goes wrong and you fucking bail..." He stands and walks to the stairs.
Her words echo through my mind.
When I gave her the bracelet she said the exact same thing to me.
How she looked and how happy she was made my heart stuttered again.
Everything she does makes me fall for her all over again.

Joey is probably telling her to forgive me and making her love me again.
This time I don't think that's what I want.
She can't be forced to love me.
I can't be forcing this.
The way I wanted to fall in love wasn't like this.
It wasn't because of me yelling and making her love me.
Since the beginning I have been pressuring her to love me.

"Tell me he is lying Kain..." She is kneeled  down infront of me holding my knees.
I can't look at her.
She is the most important person in my life, but I think us being together twenty-four seven is making us hate each other.
She needs to leave...

"You need to leave..." I whisper looking up into her eyes.
I can litterely see her falling apart.
Her eyes are crumbling apart showing me everything.
All her pain is radiating from them.
I think I might be sick...

Her hands fly off of me and she looks so deathly pale.
She stands so fast I thinks she might fall.
My eyes can't leave her shattered face.
She looks absolutely fucking broken...
I want to reach for her and hold her tightly to me.
I want to make her pain go away, but I know I can't.

She is just standing there looking for somewhere to go....
She doesn't know where to fucking go...
Joey appears at the bottom of the stairs with a bag of her clothes.
Her eyes look to him and his to hers.
The emotions vanish and she looks as hollow as she did the day I met her.
She looks back to me and I feel sick.