Loves a Fight

Chapter LVI Kains P.O.V

She collapsed to the floor and I ran to her side.
Everything was wrong...
I thought letting her go would finally make her happy and let her be able to be free.
I was wrong...
Without me she had nothing...
I showed her everything she was deprived of growing up.
When I left her I just destroyed everything for her...
There really is nothing left to live for.

All I want to do is scream and make people help her.
I don't and I just pull her close to me and place my forehead against hers.
I want to make her stay with me, but I know that isn't what she wants...
She doesn't want to be alive and honestly is it right for me to want to make her stay when all I've ever done is hurt her?
I have no right to beg her to stay with me, but I will...

"Noel..." I whisper as the tears slide down my cheeks as people rush our of the room and others scream for help.
The nurse passed out and everyone was calling 911...
All I wanted to do was apologise to my angel...

"I know you probably can't hear me, but I'm going to tell you I never stopped loving you... I know I said things in that house I shouldn't have, but I know I will never stop loving you... You are the only person since my mom died to make me feel pain. To make me feel like I deserved more than I thought for myself. When I almost let go I was at an all time low. The pain of almost losing you hurt more than it did to lose them. It hurt so fucking much and I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you wanted me to let you go..." I whisper looking in-between her closed eyes.
A pain rips through me and it is different than any other I have ever felt.
This might actually be the end.
I might actually have to say goodbye to my angel...
My queen.
My everything...

"I broke up with you because I didn't want to be the reason you didn't wake up some day Noel. I run a fucking gang for God's sake..." I cry and people stop, listening to me speak to her while I hold her failing body close to me.
I have my hands applying pressure to her stomach so she might make it through this, but I can't seem to tell this time...

"If I was the reason you died I would fucking rip myself apart from the inside out. You mean the fucking world to me and I know I should have just told you that's how I felt. I see now you are always the one to fix things and I'm now going to fix it... I need you Noel... I know you want nothing more for me than to just fucking leave you alone, but I don't want that. Seeing you in pain because of things I can't fix makes me angry... You healed the pain my parents death caused me. I could never make your pain leave... I was mad and drunk and I blamed myself for failing you... All you needed was me and I failed you..." I whisper and I notice the whole school was dead silent...
I look up and see people watching me speak to her while she slowly slips away from me.
They all look hysterical and I hate them for it...
They act like they know her when no one really knew her like I knew her...

She loved soft and old music...
No matter what when I saw that she liked the music I listened to I was happy as hell.
She had great taste.
Her eyes were like windows into whatever she was thinking about.
That was if she let you in.
The way she speaks about the world and how she sees everything...
How she sees the beauty in the smallest things...
All the times she made me feel special and made me really fucking happy.
All the times I held her as she slept making sure I chased her demons away...
She trusted me with her all and I destroyed her...

"I can't imagine my life without your forest green eyes making me feel like I didn't need to be scared. You showed me that nothing I worried about mattered at all. Everything you showed me will forever be with me Noel. If you leave me today I will never forget you and all your love... Your beautifully broken heart will be placed deep inside me and I will protect it like you trusted me to do. I know you said you were giving me back my heart, but I need you to look after it for me ok? It only beats when it's with you. It only loves when it gets to love you..." I say and my tears drip onto her paled face.
Her body was completely limp in my arms and I finally heard the sirens in the distance...