The Status : Complicated

Status #29 --- Face It To Fix It

"Any thing could be fix when you try to solve it.
Face any problem you want to fix, and if can not be fix, accept it; but often than not, in the end, everything will be alright.
Harapin mo ang bawat pagsubok at balang araw makakarating ka din sa tuktok."

MIGGY'S POV

Since the night I witnessed some thing that broke the heart within my heart, I couldn't move to where I was. But when I snapped back to my conscience, I stay out there but did not went far. I found a convenience store and stay there for the night. We never kissed. We never hugged each other like that. But I would never hate her for that though this
is so painful.

The morning came and I went back there hoping I could talk to her but I saw him getting out of her door. Yung katiting kong kinakapitan na pag-asa ay bigla nang nawala. She already belongs to some one else's arms, and it really hurts. It hurts that the soul within my soul is crying.

Wala na akong ibang magagawa kundi bantayan ka na lang sa malayo; at pangako hindi na ako magiging hadlang, kailangan ko lang magpaalam.

Halos isang oras ang dumaan ay palabas na siya ng kaniyang apartment. Gaya ng sabi ko, wala na akong magagawa, babantayan na lang kita sa malayo. Kaya't sinundan ko sila.

Parang mas nasasaktan ako, I feel pity for myself, kasi ilang beses kong pinasakay si Gayle sa kotse ko at pumunta sa malalayong lugar but I never see her this happy. I was leading her to a life that I want not the life that she wants.

Now I know where she works, I'll be in touch with her later. Naghanap muna ako ng overpriced na kape at dun magpalipas ng umaga. I open my FB account, so many notifications and so many messages pero ang unang pumukaw ng aking atensyon ay yung "Share Your Memories". 2 years ago I've posted a photo. The photo was a super blurred picture of Gayle, I tap that memory, and the caption was, "You've got my attention now. I've been staring at you for a while and trying to figure something out."

I accidentally captured it when I'm giving an evaluation to their instructor that period. Nasa harap siya nun at kagaya ng aksidenteng pagkakuha ko sa kanya, nakuha niya rin yung atensyon ko. And right after that I always watch her and secretly knowing her grades and schedule. That was years ago and I was so creepy and immature back then.

I shared it and wrote a post:

"Naaalala ko ang lahat, mula sa mga ngiti niya, sa lakad niya, sa kung paano siya nahihiya sa tuwing pumapasok siya sa office, sa kung paano manginig yung labi niya nung una ko siyang pinag-recite, sa kung paano siya magsulat, sa kung paano siya matulala, sa kung paano siya magsubmit ng paper, sa kung paano siya makinig, sa kung paano ko siya na-caught off guard, sa kung paano kami unang kumain sa labas, sa unang pag-uusap namin bilang ako at siya at hindi bilang professor at estudyante, sa unang biyahe namin, sa unang gabi na kaming dalawa lang, sa kung paano siya tumawa at maluha, sa kung paano siya matulog, hanggang sa kung paano siya umiyak sa aking harapan. Namimiss ko ang lahat nang yan, at namimiss ko na siya nang sobra... Pero yung pag-asang bumalik ka sa akin at magkaroon tayo ng happy ending ay parang ganito sa litrato kung saan ako nag-umpisa --- sobrang labo at kumplikado."

May mga nagcomment agad:

"Sir may gf ka po ba?"
"Ang bigat sir, nasaan ba siya?"
"Sino siya sir?"
"May lovelife ka pala Migs, bat di namin alam"
"That is so painful if she is your first love, but who knows, when you make ligaw ulit maybe she'll give u second chance. First love never dies, bro. Push lang"
"Sir kelan ka po babalik dito sa office? We miss you, too, sir"
"Miggy, where are you?" comment ni Tito Ric, so I called him. I told him where I am, and that I found her but the probability of taking her back is low; and maybe I couldn't drive back home so baka magpasundo na lang ako.

"Ngayon na ba? Papasundo na kita?" tanong sa akin.

"Not yet, I haven't confronted her yet. I'll call you. Just in case lang naman yun Tito, I never know what will happen..baka lang po kasi hindi ko kayanin. Basta...Goodbye."

I am really stupid to wait for her to go online and read my post and then she'll comment that she misses me too, or tell me that she needs me.. But that'll never happen, at napagod na ako, at naubos ko na rin naman itong kape at umaga ko dito kaya pupuntahan ko na siya.