Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 23

JAMIE'S POV

Seeing Harry like that was hard. He was crying on the ground and I had no idea what to do. Was he close to his father? I started to realize that I know absolutly nothing about him. I thought I did because of what people were saying of him : bad boy, player, dunce, etc. But personally, I know nothing about him. Instead of basing my opinion on what others said, I should've based my own.

I felt guilty for what I just said to him. He didn't deserve all my harsh words. Of course I was mad because of his unexpected disappearance. But everything is clearer now, he was hurt. These two weekes must've been so painful alone. I wish I could've helped him. I don't care if he can be annoying sometimes ; no one deserves to suffer like this.

"I am so sorry..." I said, sitting next to him.

"Don't be, I deserve it. He left a year ago and I haven't talked to him since then. He didn't want to see me again and I understand. I can be such a pain in the ass. I broke his relationship with my mom. I'm fucked up. I always ruin everything." he said, looking straight into my eyes again. What I saw in his eyes wasn't sadness, it was anger. He was angry at himself and he regretted whatever happened in his past.

"Don't say such things Harry. You know it's not true..." I said. Usually, I'm good with words but right now, nothing was coming out. He looked completly broken and I felt usueless. How can I help him if I know nothing about him?

"You have no idea. I broke our family and didn't even have the time to ask for forgiveness. He left." He started crying again but this time, in my arms...

HARRY'S POV

* FLASHBACK*

It's been 3 weeks since I'm stuck in that shit hole. But for some reasons, I don't even regret it. He deserved me to fucking hit him.

I needed to take that anger out. I've lost Gabriella and seeing her with another man just killed me. What did I do to deserve that? Aboslutly nothing. For once in my life, I was good to someone. What's the point in being gentle if you end up being hurt? Someone will always end up being better than you. That's why she left me for someone else.

That fucking Caleb kissed her in front of me. He is lucky to be still alive. In a coma, but still alive. When I started to hit him, I felt that rush of adrenaline in my body. It was good, so good. For a moment, I didn't even feel the pain.

I have no idea how long we fought. At first, he struggled but at the end, I had absolute control. When the cops arrived, he was unconscious. They took me to the police station and sent me to prison. "Attempted murder" they said. "Vengeance" I said.

Even if I explained to them how much he deserved it, they didn't understand.

When my mom learned that I was going to jail, she fucking lost it. She couldn't stop crying. "Why Harry? Why?" is all she was saying to me. I couldn't answer her questions and to be honest I didn't care. She wouldn't understand anyway.

Unlike my mom, my father wasn't sad ; he was furious. He didn't want to hear what I had to say. He came to visit me only once and we barely even talked. I could see in his eyes that he was ashamed. Ashamed of his own son.

My mom is visting me everyday. I know that even if she is destroyed by what I did, she still loves me. She keeps defending me no matter what. She's way too emotional. My father is more rational.

In 3 months, I'll be back at home and for some reasons, I'm not looking forward to it. Of course I hate jail. I'm always alone and I can't do anything. But at home, I know things will be different. My mother is not the same since the incident. She's going through a severe depression and I can feel her pain.

My father is trying to take care of her, but they always fight. To my mom, he is insensitive. To be honest, I understand him. If I were him, I would hate my son for doing what he did...

I'm the best at destroying everything around me.

* END OF FLASHBACK*

I'm really good at being a pussy in front of her. I can't believe I'm still crying in her fucking arms. I need more alcohol.

"It'll be alright Harry..." she said calmly.

" I don't think it will. Nothing's alright when I'm involved" I said, trying to control myself.

"Why do you say that?" she said, looking straight into my eyes.

"I'm way to fucked up to be understood. You better stay away from me Jamie, before I hurt you too." I said, meaning every word.

But with that warning, she didn't leave. She stayed right next to me.

"I'm strong enough to handle that" she said, and that was all I needed to hear.

I had to fight every single part of myself not to kiss her...

_______

AN

I know that the flashback could be hard to understand. If you didn't, go take a look at chapter 5. It''ll help you :)

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