Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 17

JAMIE'S POV

I woke up this morning and felt totally horrible. I kept thinking about what happened last night. I allowed myself to fall in his arms, but I wasn't ready for him to catch me. He did nothing wrong yesterday, I'm the one who made a mistake. I don't need his help and I shouldn't ask for it. That won't happen again. I can't just break down in tears in front of him.

I feel ashamed. Not only because of my break down, but also because of my reaction. I couldn't think straight and I kept pushing him away without any reason. To be honest, he surprised me yesterday. I wasn't expecting him to confort me. On the other hand, I was harsh. Too harsh...

"I'm sorry for yesterday. My reaction was inappropriate." 

I have to admit that it felt good. I felt good in his arms and for once, I felt safe. I wish I could feel that safety again, but I can't. I have to remember that he is a jerk and that sooner or later, he will hurt me. I know it will happen. I can't build anything with a guy, especially not him. When you care for someone, you let them the power to destroy you, but you trust them not to. I can't trust him. 

"It's alright Jamie, I understand. Can I come?"

"If I tell you no, are you going to come anyway?"

"Probably..." 

He was infuriating. I didn't know why, but I had to see him. He didn't deserve my behavior yesterday and I needed to be forgiven. 

"Fine, you can come"

Ten minutes later, I heard a slight knock on the door. 

"Hey Jamie." he said with a smile. Not an arrogant smirk,but a smile. A true one where I could see both of his dimples really clearly. 

"Hi Harry" I answered.

"Listen, I think we shouldn't talk about what happened yesterday. It's too fresh and I know that you are not ready to talk about it and I respect this. Do you want to come with me ? We could just get in my car and drive?" he calmly said. 

I wasn't expecting that. He always takes me by surprise. My head was telling me not to go with him. But my heart wanted to, more than anything. Only a day with him won't kill me ? 

"Of course I'd like to, it's a good idea" I answered while following him to his car.

I sat in the passenger seat and he pulled out of the driveway.

"What are your plans for the weekend?" he said while putting a CD in the radio.

"I'm probably just going to write. I'm really tired and I need to relax" I said.

"What do you write about?" he asked, looking straight into my eyes. For a moment, I was destabilized by his question. I write about personal things and I just never tell that to anyone.

"Anything. Life, family, stuff."I said, trying to get rid of his question.

"Haha it's fine, I get it You don't have to tell me." he said while turning the volume up. Ed Sheeran's voice filled the car and again, I was oddly surprised. 

"You're listening to Ed Sheeran?"I asked him.

"Yes, of course. He is great. Why?"

"Oh nothing... It's just that I love him so much. He is my inspiration." I said, still looking in his green eyes. 

"What's your favorite song?" he asked looking straight into my eyes again. Those green eyes...

"That's a really hard question. I love them all but I never get tired of Give me love." I answered. Then, he changed the song and Give me love filled the car. He started singing the first verse and I couldn't stop staring at him. He has an amazing voice, he really does. 

"You should sing with me." he said. I faintly sang with him the first chorus. All I could hear was his beautiful voice. For that moment, I felt free. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this good with anyone. It was just him, me and the music.