Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 30

JAMIE'S POV

I couldn't believe that he was finally going to explain to me everything I was waiting for. He looked nervous and couldn't stop playing with his hands. 

"I'm listening to you" I said, on a sympathetic tone. 

"If it doesn't come out the right way, I'm sorry" he nervously said. He wasn't confident at all. 

"Don't worry, it will be alright." I said, taking one of his hand in mine, trying to give him some strength. 

He took a deep breath and started talking.

"I met Gabriella three years ago, when I was in high school. I was a normal guy back then. Of course I was making shit with my friends, but I was not a total jerk. I wanted to get good grades to work for my father in his company. He was proud of me. " 

He was talking so slowly, trying to choose every word correctly. Talking about his father was still really painful for him. 

"So... yeah... Gabriella. She was in my class. At first, I wasn't talking to her. To me, her beauty was intimidating. She was so beautiful and at the second I saw her, I fell in love. I finally decided to talk to her and damn, she was even more beautiful. I was always listening to every single word she said and it was like music to my ear. Back then, I had no idea what love was so I didn't understand what was happening to me. I talked to my father about it and he told me to man up and to ask her out." he had a weak smile on his face. He was so adorable...

"It took me two freaking weeks to ask her out. I didn't have any balls I guess and I was nervous as fuck. We were talking everyday but I just couldn't ask her. I was too scared of rejection." his body tensed and I felt that it was getting harder for him to talk about it.

"One day, after school, I saw her hanging out with a guy and I freaked out. I was extremly jealous and I didn't want to lose her to someone else. That's why I asked her out the next day. To my surprise and relief, she said yes. I told it to my father and he helped me to prepare everything. We prepared dinner together and all that ducky stuff. If he had not been there, the date would've been a total disaster." I had no idea that he was so close to his father and it totally broke my heart. He was strong. A weak smile appeared on his face and I could tell that he was thinking about his father.

"The date was perfect. Dinner was good and after that, we watched a cheesy boring movie. It was fun. Before the end of the night, we kissed. I had kissed many girls before her, but kissing someone you have feelings for is totally different. It feels... real. Anyway, the date was amazing and 2 weeks later, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. I was so cheesy back then." he said, laughing. But I knew deep inside that there was nothing funny about it. 

"I took her on a boat and we had a romantic night and stuff and I asked her on that boat. We were both happy and crazy in love. But I guess someone was more in love than the other." he said, looking at the ground again.

"We were so damn happy together. I was always able to make her laugh and she always knew how to make me happy, even when I was totally down. We were always together and I even asked her to move in with me. She promised me we would. We've been together a year or so. I told her I was going to marry her, and she promised me that it was going to happen later. She filled me with those promises and I was believing every single word she fucking said to me." he said on a harsh tone. I couldn't quite tell if he was angry at herself, or himself... 

"One day, I got tired of waiting for all these promises to come true and I decided to ask her to marry me. It was a rainy night when I got to her place. I wanted to surprise her so I got inside her house without knocking. She gave me the keys so I was used to it. I was nervous but so excited at the same time. I was dreaming of the day when she'd be mine forever, and that was it. I worked all summer long to buy the perfect ring for her and I was ready for it. But I wasn't fucking ready for what I was going to see." his body tensed even more this time as he clenched his fists.

"As I opened the door to her room, I saw what haunted me for months. She was in bed, with someone else. He was all over her and she was enjoying that shit. She was gripping his back as she always did with me. That guy was touching my girlfriend the way I used to. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to fucking kill him. When she saw me, she told me the worst thing she could've told me '"It's not what you think baby". Oh, really? Did she think I was fucking stupid? It was exactly what I thought, she fucking cheated on me! I was giving her every single thing I had and she took it and threw it in my fucking face.The pain I felt wasn't even the worst thing. The worst thing was that I couldn't even stop loving her after what she did to me. I was destroyed and stopped talking to her for two weeks. It was a good thing, but I shouldn't have come back. I started to miss her and I felt bad for the way I reacted. I can be fucking stupid sometimes!" The emotion in his voice literally broke my heart. What that girl did to him was totally disgusting.

"Don't say that Harry, you did nothing wrong! I said, trying to calm him down.

"Nothing wrong? Let me continue. I fucking came back to her. I wanted to get her back after what she did to me. When I got back to her place, she was still with that stupid piece of shit. I just wanted to get my girlfriend back. I swear I just wanted to marry that girl and I was ready to do anything to get her back and that's what I tried to do. I got inside of her place and I just fucking started to hit what I thought was keeping me away from her : him. She was still with that guy and that made me totally crazy. I knew I was able to be good for her. Better than him. That's why I wanted to kill him, and I almost did. Now, do you still think I did nothing wrong?" he said, his voice breaking. I could feel the regrets in his voice and it was breaking my heart again.

"Now you know why I went to jail and lost my father. After this, he hated me. I understand, I was a total coward. I didn't forget her and I never will, but the feelings I felt for her are gone. She made me happy for a while and I have to accept the fact that it's over now. I was not ready to face this and that's why I reacted this way. I've learned that when you are happy, you have to expect that one day, everything you have will fall apart. It's easier to get through it when you are ready to face it. Today, I don't regret my relationship with her, but I regret the fact that I didn't let it go when I knew it was over. Chasing after something that is done is a waste of time. It just broke me even more." I was speechless and I didn't know what to tell him. He was looking at me, waiting for me to say something, but I couldnt. It was too much to handle all at once.

"I know that now that you know all of this, you probably won't even look at me the same way. I've made mistakes and it changed me. At first, it changed me for the worst. I didn't believe in love anymore and I was a total jerk. I'm not dangerous and I will never hurt you intentionally. I have a shitty past and if you look at it, you will probably stop talking to me. All I'm asking you is to look beyond this. I've learned from my mistakes and I'm trying to be better than what I was before. But I can't do it by myself, I need you. I need a motivation..." I wanted to. I wanted to be there for him and what he said totally moved me. I felt his pain and it was hurting me.

Tears started running down my face and as he took me in his arms.

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AN

My chapters keep getting longer yay! 

Hard one to write to be honest and it took me so long, hope you'll enjoy it ! 

Keep commenting I love ittttttt !

Aly x