Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 33

JAMIE'S POV

"Cause you want to kiss me right now?" I asked, shocked. I wasn't expecting that at all.

"I want to kiss you whenever I'm with you." he seriously said, with that intense gaze on me.

"Why don't you do it then?" I said. Usually, Harry is really... faithful to his impulses.

"My old-self would have done it all the time. But I'm starting to know you well and right now, I know that you are not ready. Well, you don't seem ready. As much as I want to, I also want to respect you so I'll wait for you. I know that you don't trust me enough and that I need to earn your trust first." To these words, I understood that Harry really did change. He was being a real gentleman.

"I trust you Harry." I said, truthfully. I was really starting to trust that guy more than anyone else. I knew it was dangerous but for some reasons, I didn't care.

"You don't trust me as much as I'd want to. You still hide things from me because you're scared of telling me." he said.

"I'm not scared of you, I'm scared of me." I said, on a whim.

"What do you mean?" he said, intrigued.

"I'm not hiding those things, I just don't think I'm strong enough to open up about it again. You know, when it happened, I was totally broken and it was so hard for me just to get over it. I had to bury all those hideous feelings inside of me to start to live normally again. I'm scared that if I start to talk about it, all those feelings are going to resurface and I'm not strong enough to handle this." I honestly said. I was not ready for this.

"First of all, I think you are strong enough to handle all those demons of yours. If I could, you sure can. Second of all, I think that hiding those feelings isn't the best thing to do. Even if they are bad feelings, you still have to feel them. That's the only way to get over them. Stop running away from it, it'll just make things worse." he slowly said. He thinks he knows but he doesn't.

"I'm doing good Harry. I'm living perfectly that way."

"Are you sure about that? Cause I'm not." he said. Who does he think he is? That was pissing me off.

"What do you mean? I'm happy, stop saying I'm not ! I love my life."

"I'm not saying you're not happy. I just think you're not as happy as you pretend to be. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me, I know exactly what it is. Appearances are deceptive." he said. I really hate when he acts that way. Mister know-it-all.

"How can you say something like that when you have no idea what I've been through?"

"I'm just trying to find out..."

"Well stop! I told you I didn't what to freaking talk about it!" I said, flipping under the pressure.

"Alright" he said, looking out at the water.

I was upset. I know that I overreacted, but I also know that he didn't seem to understand that I didn't want to. It seems like the only way to make him stop was to get mad. He didn't deserve my harsh tone, but I have to stand my ground. If I say no, he has to accept it and stop arguing with me all the time.

Right now, he was acting like a real baby. He stopped talking to me and now, he is still looking at the water. There's nothing I hate more than being ignored.

"Harry, I want to go back home." I said, tired of that stupid fight.

"Sure. There's a life jacket over there. You can just put it on, jump in the water and swim. The water is not too cold and if you swim fast enough, you could arrive to your place in about 4 hours." he said. As I was about to yell at him, a small smirk appeared on his face. I know I already said that before, but he is so infuriating.

"I hate you so much, you're a jerk" I said, trying not to smile. That was way too hard.

"I know" he said, chuckling. "I'm really sorry" he added, sitting next to me.

"It's fine"I said, calming down a little.

"I know it's not fine. I promise that I'm going to stop putting so much pressure on you. If you're ready, you'll tell me. If not, you won't. That's it." he calmly said. I knew he was sincere.

"Thank you" I said, trying not to give in so easily.

"Would you please do me the honor to forgive my misbehavior?" he said, smilling again. His smile was irresistible. But I swear, I was resisting.

"Why do you always talk that way when it comes to demanding?"I said, chuckling.

"I'm not used to it... and I know how much you like it." he said, with that usual smirk on his face.

"That's enough now."I said, not able to hide my smile. "Let's go home now"

"Yes, before you take that jacket and jump out of the boat by yourself" he said, laughing.

"Your jokes are not funny at all you know that?"

"Well, tell it to your beautiful smile then"

"Do you know how much I hate you?" I said, teasing him.

"Probably as much as you like me" he said, with that adorable smile.

I knew he was absolutly right...