Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 21

JAMIE'S POV

I hate to admit it, but he was right. Again.

After an hour, I was done with that study. But somewhat, I love to study. When I do so, I feel like I'm ready and the anxiety is all gone.

It was almost 8 and I was already heading to the park. Usually, the night before a test, I never go out. Truth is, I barely ever go out at all, but who cares. I'm exhausted and I just want to lay in my bed and sleep. Nevertheless, I look forward to being with Harry.

When I arrived at the park, he wasn't there. I sat on a bench and waited for him. He was probably late again, he always is. I got use to it.

Fifteen minutes later, he wasn't there. I was starting to get a little worried. Maybe something happened to him?

"Is everything alright? I'm waiting for you at the park."

A couple of minutes later, I decided to leave. He was half an hour late and still hadn't answered my text. Maybe he just didn't want to come anymore. He didn't even bother telling me, that's freaking low. I wasted an hour to see him but he didn't even bother teling me that he wasn't going to come.

So I came back home and slept as I planned to.

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I woke up this morning ; still no text from Harry. One day he is stalking me and the next day, he is completly ignoring me.

"He makes me feel good". Way to go Jamie ! What upset me the most isn't the fact that he didn't come yesterday. It's the fact that it hurt me. I felt so stupid sitting on that bench, waiting for that boy to come. I felt like he had a certain kind of power on me. The power to decide wheter I get to be happy or not. That's not how it should work.

To be honest, I'm glad he didn't come yesterday. That made me realize that I cared too much for him. Caring can be dangerours and I was falling in that game over again. I need to stay independant. Before he came into my life, I was doing great. No one could hurt me and I had the total control on myself.

As I got out of my house to walk to school, a foolish part of me was expecting him to be there, waiting for me. In my head, I thought he was going to come and apologize for what he did yesterday. But he didn't, and that's totally alright. It's better if he stays away from me.

I didn't see him in school although that's not surprising at all because he barely ever comes to school. He probably has many other things to do !

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It's been a week since I've seen Harry. The only thing I know about his sudden disappearance is that he is at home. At school, people are finding this totally normal because he misses school all the time.

It's upsetting. I didn't think he cared for me, but neither did I think I meant absolutly nothing to him.

As soon as he started talking to me, I knew it was going to end up like this. I'm lucky that I was aware of it. He probably just wanted to get in my pants like every other girl. He couldn't do it so he got bored and left.

I hated him when I first met him and I still hate him even more now that I know him.

HARRY'S POV

My head was spinning. Probably due to the alcohol I drank. At least, when I'm drunk, I don't feel a thing. All that fucking sadness disappears and I love that feeling of emptiness.

When I'm starting to live again, something just breaks me even more. I'm getting fucking use to that and I'm sick of it. I wish that cycle would end. But I know that it won't. I probably deserve all of this.

When I learned what happened to him, i broke down like a pussy. I cried all day long. The last time I cried is when she left me and damn the pain is real. It hurts even more. I hate being so weak but damn I already miss him. I still can't believe that he is gone. Fuck it. He fucking left me alone in that stupid ass world. I have no idea how I'm going to live without him next to me. Life is fucking unfair. Just thinking that I won't get to see him again breaks my heart. I wish I could've at least told him goodbye.

I wish I could've told him how sorry I am. I'm sorry that I was a fucking jerk sometimes. I'm sorry for all the fights we had. You were always right. I'm sorry that I've made your life a nightmare sometimes. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I didn't mean to. It was nothing against you. I'm sorry that couldn't fulfill your expectations. No, in fact I'm sorry for not trying hard enough. You didn't deserve all of this. I'm sorry for every fucking thing I've done wrong and I know there's plenty of them! I know you'll forgive me, you always do.

Damn, I love you.

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AN

Sorry for the cliff hanger !!!! I love you all ! hahah

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting. Triple update today yay!!

I hope you liked it !

Love,

Aly x