Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 31

JAMIE'S POV

I had no idea why I was crying and I couldn't stop. He was being so honest with me and I was really grateful. He had been in love and today, it's still hurting him. He was willing to give everything he had for that girl and she pushed him away. I couldn't even imagine how hard it must've been for him. I felt extremy horrible.

"I'm so sorry Harry" I said, trying to stop the tears from falling down my face.

"What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything." he said, gently replacing a strand of hair behind my ear. He was shaking.

"I'm pathetic right now, crying while I should be supporting you. I'm sorry that it happened to you, you didn't deserve all of this. I know how hard it must've been and I'm so thankful that you trust me enough to open up so much..." I said, finally calming down.

"You're not pathetic, it's totally fine okay? I'm fine I swear" he said, pulling me in his arms again.

"You are so strong Harry, and you don't even know it."I said, looking straight into his beautiful green eyes.

"I'm not strong, not at all. You think that almost killing a guy is being strong? My reaction was totally exaggerated. I still regret it." he said, finally looking back at me.

"I'm not talking about that. You trusted that girl a lot as I can see. She totally broke that trust with only a simple gesture. But still, today, you can trust someone again. To my eyes, trust is the hardest thing to regain when you once lose it. You were strong enough to understand that because it happened with her doesn't necessarily mean it will happen with everyone else." I said, still snuggled against him.

"You think it was so easy for me to understand that? Not at all. Still today, I distrust everyone."

"Or course it wasn't easy for you, but it's normal and it doesn't mean you're not strong! The hardest thing and the right thing to do are the same. The fact that you've gone through something hard makes you stronger. The one who falls and get up is so much stronger than the one who never fails."

"Are you like a psychologist or something? Where do you get all those sentences?"he said, chuckling gently.

"Not at all. But I'm a writer, remember?" I said, teasing him.

"Oh true, you are. Would you show me some of your work?" he seriously asked

"Now?"

"Well yes now, if you want?"

"No, I've never shown it to anyone."

"It always takes a first you know? I don't want to blackmail but you were my first, could I be yours?" I knew he was right. It must've been really hard for him to talk to me about his past...

"Only one" I finally agreed, knowing that he deserved this. He opened up so much and I needed to let him into my world a little bit.

"Three." he said, with a small smirk.

"One" I answered back. Knowing Harry, he is always going to argue for more than what I'm giving.

"Okay, one but if I can choose it"

"We've got a deal"

He opened my binder and looked through all my work. I felt like he was taking interest in every page and it made me feel important.

"You're cheating Harry, stop looking at every single page" I said, trying to look slightly mad. But deep inside, I wasn't. I didn't know why, but I was trusting him.

"I need to take a look at every single one if I want to make the right choice, you know?" he said, smilling at me.

"If you don't choose in a minute, I'm going to close the binder."

"Fine, I'm taking this one" he said, taking out a sheet of paper. Knowing Harry, I thought he was going to take the longest text just to upset me. To my surprise, he didn't. Usually, I was writing songs but this was only a small poem called You. It was one of the first ones I've done, just after the incident. To be honest, it wasn't good at all. I was just trying to express my feelings. I wish he would've chosen another one...

I'm lying there on the floor thinking this is all my fault

When is the next assault?

Tears are running down my face, begging you to leave

How could I be so naive?

You didn't care if I was going to be found alive

But at least, were you satisfied?

After a while, he looked at me. He seemed worried.

"You have to tell me the story behind that poem. It was deep and I could feel the distress" he said, still looking at me with the same expression. I knew that it was a really bad idea to show him this poem. I wasn't ready to open up on that subject.

"There's nothing behind that poem Harry, I just write about random stuff." I said, avoiding his gaze.

"It can't be just a random stuff Jamie, I have the feeling that you are lying to me." he said as I was starting to panic.

"I hate when you act like you know me Harry."

"But I do Jamie! I do know you now ! I'm not acting at all. You could use that line against me when we started to hang out but not anymore !" he was right, but I couldn't admit it. I couldn't even imagine telling him about what happened that night. Keeping it for myself helps me forget. It doesn't seem as realistic when nobody knows it except me.

"You know more about me than you did, but you don't know everything about me."

"I know that, and that's what I'm trying to do. If you could answer my questions, that would be easier. But you know what Jamie, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" he said with a weak smile and I have to admit that he was adorable. He used my own line against me...

"I'm not ready to tell you everything about me Harry." I honestly said.

"It's fine, and I'm not going to put any pressure on you. But I swear Jamie, it helps. If it can help me, it can help you too." he truthfully said. I knew he was right, but something was keeping me from telling it to him. Did I trust him enough? Honestly, I think I did. Was I scared? Absolutly.

"I'm sorry..." I said, not knowing what to say anymore.

"It's fine, I totally understand. I just wish that one day, you'll be able to open up to me as much as I did to you."

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AN

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