Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 35

HARRY'S POV

When she started crying, I had no idea what to do. Of course I took her in my arms and I tried to comfort her, but I had no idea what to say. She was absolutly broken and to be honest, I had no idea why. We arrived on time. That girl was fine now. But for some reason, she couldn't stop crying.

I took her in my arms and laid her on the bed. I laid beside her and stroked her hair gently.

" Shh, everything is fine love" I said, trying my best to calm her down. I felt totally powerless.

She was slowly calming down. After a while, she stopped crying. I still didn't know what to say. I took both of her hands in mine. She was shaking.

"You have to tell me what's wrong Jamie. I just want to help you..." I said, knowing that there was something behind her reaction.

"I'm fine Harry, don't worry for me." she said, squeezing my hands slightly.

"You're not fine. I don't know what's wrong but I know there's something. I won't judge you."

"Why Harry? He almost raped her, my reaction was normal. I was shocked..." she said, looking at the ground.

"I know you were shocked, but what I've seen in your eyes is something else. You looked terrified Jamie. You clearly had a panic attack just by seeing that guy touching that girl. I understand that it can be hard to see something like that, but there's something else behind your reaction and I'm convinced that it's something important." I said, lifting her chin up, forcing her to look at me.

"Stop trying Harry, I'm fine. Just let it go." her voice was shaking. She was lying.

"Letting it go means letting you go as well. I can't do that."

"You're not ready to hear what I have to say." she said and I knew that it was only an excuse. She knew I was ready. I could take it.

"I don't care if I'm ready or not, I just can't handle seeing you broken without knowing what is destroying you. I have no idea what happened, but I know that it took a part of you and I want to help you. I'm not the best at helping people but fuck I need to try ! You mean so fucking much to me Jamie. I'd do anything to make you feel happy." I said, meaning every single word.

"I am happy"

"Happier than you are then. Happy like you were before." Tears were slowly flowing on her face. She was beautiful.

JAMIE'S POV

I had no idea what was heavier, what happened or keeping the secret. I knew that I needed Harry and I had no freaking idea if he could help me. I decided to trust him.

"You know that girl ? The one you saved from being raped?" I said, getting straight to the point. He nodded slowly. "Well that was me, years ago. But compared to her, nobody was there to save me" I said, not able to give any details. He looked at me and I could tell he was shocked. He ran is hand through his hair and stood up.

"Who did that to you?" he was furious and I didn't expect that at all. I thought he was going to be sad for me, like everyone else.

"It's not important Harry, I'm over it" I said, lying. Then, he sat down next to me, holding my hand.

"Please, I need to know what happened." he begged. His eyes were full of concern and I knew that I couldn't keep hiding it from him all my life. If I wanted to get closer to Harry, I needed to do this. I took a deep breath and decided to explain everything.

"When I was younger, I was really naive. I was totally different ; I gave my trust really easily. I was a typical teenage girl. I liked to hang out with my friends, go shopping, talk about boys. I was stupid and still waiting for my prince charming" I chuckled slightly, knowing that I sounded absolutly ridiculous. But he wasn't laughing, not at all. He was still really serious. "That's when Brandon came into my life. I met him at school. He was older and really attractive. I'll spare you the details, but he made me fall in love with him. He was always driving me to school, asking me out... You know, typical stuff." As I was telling him everything, I felt totally stupid. I should've seen it coming.

"I thought I was in love but I didn't even know him. Of course we were spending time together but we were only flirting, he never talked to me about himself and neither did I. Anyway... One day, he invited me to his place. Of course I said yes. I was really happy and I couldn't wait for our relationship to be official. I got to his place, we watched a movie and he started to kiss me, hard. I was still a virgin and I only knew him for about 2 months. I was not ready to have sex and I told him. However, he kept kissing me and he started to touch me..." Harry was breathing heavily. I had no idea if it was a good idea to continue with the details, but something inside of me kept telling me to go on. "He took off my shirt and I knew that he wanted to go farther. That's why I tried to stop him. I told him that I was not ready and that I didn't want to have sex with him, not yet. I put my shirt back, but he stopped me and pushed me to the bed. He was holding my wrists and .. I couldn't move. I was yelling him to stop but.. he kept going and.. he was hurting me." I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. "He undressed me completly and then.. he.." I couldn't even keep talking. It was hurting me. Just talking about it hurts. Harry shook his head slightly, he looked revolted. I saw anger in his eyes, but also compassion.

"Shhh.. it's fine. I had enough okay? I'm so sorry" he said, while holding me tight against his chest.

"I can do it... I need to go on Harry. I have to" I said, crying even more. I had to do it. He looked worried, but I kept talking. "He started to kiss me again, harder this time. He touched me where I didn't want to be touched. I was crying, and yelling, begging him to stop. He never did... He thrusted into me. He was hurting me physically, but also mentally. I couldn't believe that I was losing my virginity to that guy..In that way...I couldn't do anything... I just... At some point, I couldn't even fight anymore. He was hitting me and.. I just.." Tears were filling his eyes. His body tensed and I knew he was angry. I had to stop for me, but also for him. He took me in his arms and stroked my back gently.

"I'm so sorry Jamie. You have to call the police. He has to pay for what he did to you. I swear if you don't call the police I'll take care of him alone. But... fuck Jamie.." He was totally furious.

"No Harry, please. You have to accept the fact that I need to get over that. Blaming him won't help me to go on. I need to forget now, I have to live with this and let it go..."

"That guy is a fucking psycho, he has to pay" he said, clenching his fists.

"Please Harry, I can't focus on him. I have to focus on myself and how I can get over this. I can't do it alone..."

"I just.. You're strong Jamie. I can't believe you kept it inside of you for so long.. How could you.." he was absolutly speechless.

"I'm fine I swear, it's okay..." I held his hand, trying to calm him down.

"I'm admiring you. You did not deserve to undergo what happened to you. He was an absolute jerk. I know that I'm not the best person to tell you this but that's not how sex, well, making love works... You did not lose your virginity, he stole it from you. To my eyes you still have it and the only person who can decide if you lose it or not is yourself. " I didn't feel comfortable talking about it cause I knew that it was absolutly impossible for me to get it back, but what he said moved me. Tears kept flowing on my cheeks but somehow, I felt relieved. That heavy weight on my shoulders felt lighter. I knew Harry was there for me. He seemed so sincere and... he was important for me. More than anyone else.

"You know Jamie, earlier, you said that I saved that girl." I nodded. "I know that the damage is done, but you can still be saved."

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Hey everyone !

She finally told him ! I really hope you liked the chapter.

Do you all like the new cover ?! I do ! I'd like to thank @LegendaryLovers for her amazing edit !

Love,

Aly x