Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 36

HARRY'S POV

As I was driving back to her place, I couldn't stop thinking about that guy. The one who fucking touched her. I knew I had to be as strong as she was, but I wanted to kill him. He needed to pay for what he did. Seeing her destroyed just broke my heart. That guy fucking stole a part of her. 

Usually, when something happens to me, the only think I can think about is revenge. Right now, it's the exact same thing. But I can't fall into the same pattern anymore. I promised to her, to my father and to myself that I was going to change. Vengeance never truly helped me.

That's the thing with revenge. Of course it was heping me on the spur of the moment. But when I was looking back at my actions, I didn't feel any better. I've learned that it didn't help me to recover. To be honest, it just made everything worse. Living with remorse hurts even more. 

I had to help her, not to ruin him. 

"There we are" I said, opening her door. She had not spoken throughout the drive and she was still really silent. I wish I could be able to say the right things. I knew how much she needed it. 

She walked to her place and I followed her. I couldn't let her alone, not right now.

"Is it fine with you if I come inside for a moment?" she nodded. 

I couldn't stop staring at her and I just wanted to take her in my arms and wash the pain away. An aching sensation ran through my body. I was so upset. I wish I could just take that pain and feel it for her.

I couldn't, and that killed me. Of course I wanted to help her, but how ? I can't erase the past, even though I wish I could.  

Our eyes locked for a moment and her lips started to shake. I couldn't handle it anymore. I can't stand seeing her destroyed like that. I took her in my arms again since it's the only thing I thought I could do. 

"You should get some sleep love" I whispered, kissing the top of her head. 

"Stay with me" she said, still crying soflty. 

"Of course. I won't leave you unless you ask me to." I said, stroking her hair gently. I took her hand and we walked together to her room. 

"I have to put my pajama... Could you just like...turn around?" she quietly said. 

"Of course" I said as I quikly turned around, waiting for her to get ready. 

"It's fine now." she whispered. When I turned around, she was already lying in her bed. 

"I can just.. go sleep on the couch if you want ?" I asked, not wanting to push my luck any further. 

"Stay with me, please" she begged. 

"Fine" I said, lying next to her. I'm used to silence between us but right now, it was heavy. I had no idea what to say and I knew that she needed me to say something. 

"Harry?" she asked, smoothly. 

"Yes?" I answered, looking at her. 

"Do you think it's my fault?" she asked, her voice cracking. 

"What do you mean ?" 

"Do you think I'm responsible for what happened to me? I need you to be honest. Is it my fault? Maybe I gave myself to that guy too fast. I was way too vulnerable. I opened up too fast and..." 

"Listen to me" I said, iterrupting her. I lifted her chin up, forcing her to look at me. "You did absolutly nothing wrong. He is the only culprit." She looked helpless and it was breaking my heart.

"Then, why me Harry? I must've done something wrong." I was speechless. Seeing her like this was hurting me. Of course he played with her body, but he also played with her mind.

"No ! Don't say that. Trusting someone isn't supposed to be bad. You had faith in that guy and it's totally fine! He was wrong. He never should've done this. He is a fucking psycho Jamie !" I couldn't start talking about him or I was going to lose control on myself. "I know that it's hard love but please, you have to understand that it's not your fault. He is a jerk. We will never know why it happened because he is the one who decided to do that terrible shit. We have to live with the fact that we'll never know why he did that. It's hard and I know it but you can do it. You have nothing to reproach yourself." I said, looking straight into her eyes.

"I'm trying Harry, I swear I am..." she quietly said. The tone of her voice broke my heart.

"I know you are! I know that it's hard and I'm not expecting you to get over it so fast. You need time Jamie, and help."

"I thought I was alright. I was starting to forget it..."

"You were not forgetting it, you were just avoiding it. It was still there, deep inside of you, just waiting to be fully felt." I said, taking her hands in mine. 

"Now you know why I can hardly believe in love anymore." she said, with a weak smile. I'd do anything to see that smile all the time. 

"I understand. But love isn't supposed to hurt. Loving the wrong person does." I said, without thinking. 

"I know it does..."

"You need to get to know someone really well before saying that you're in love.To be honest, I don't believe in love at first sight anymore. You need to trust the person you love and to trust someone you have to know them well." Gabriella, my subconscious kept telling me. If it was someone, I would probably tell them to shut the fuck up.

"I never would've thought that you could talk about love in that way." she said, a small smile forming on her beautiful lips. 

"Well, you didn't know me. That means you couldn't love me either." I said, smiling back at her. 

"I know, I hated you" she said, chuckling slightly. 

"I knew it. You're not good at hiding things. Do you still hate me?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Harry, you're being ridiculous now" she said, laughing quietly. 

"Answer me. Do you still hate me?" I repeated, wanting to hear the answer more than anything. 

"I don't hate you at all." she said, on a gentle tone. 

"Do you like me, maybe?" I said, smiling at her. 

"Yes, I like you" she said with that perfect smile. 

"I like you too" I answered, kissing her forehead. 

A couple of minutes later, she fell asleep. She looked so peaceful and I couldn't stop staring at her beauty. She was absolutly perfect. 

As long as I'll be with her, she will be safe. 

_______

AN

Almost 4k reads? I must be dreaming. To me it's a lot and it means the world.

Thank you to everyone!

Keep commenting cause I love you sooooo much ! 

Aly, x