Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 45

AN: I always write while listening to music. Somtimes, the lyrics fit perfectly with what I'm writing and I kind of find it amazing. I'm weird. Anyway, I decided to put it out there. Haha. Try to guess the song ! (Really easy one, Lol)

-- I should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do. --

HARRY'S POV

Took me a while to actually realize what was happening to me. First thing that came on my mind is "what have I done wrong?" Worst thing is I had no answer. To me, I treated that girl fucking right and still, it was happening to me. The girl I loved and trusted cheated on me, again. The first time it happened, I thought I was never going to get over it. This time, I'm sure as hell that I'm never going to give my love to someone. 

I thought that the time I got to spend with her was worth the feeling of losing her, but it's not. I was wrong. Losing someone because I did something wrong is something I can actually live with. Of course I have to live with regrets, but it's bearable. Losing someone to someone else is the worst fucking thing on the planet because there's nothing you can do against it. 

I felt destroyed, smashed and fucking defeated. I couldn't handle it and without her, I could only be my old self. That's why I ran in direction of the park with one single thing on my mind, to knock him off. 

He was tall and seemed strong, but I didn't fucking care. I was furious and I just wanted him to feel bad. Really fucking bad. 

I jumped on him and started to take my anger out. It felt good, fucking good. 

"Harry !" I heard Jamie and it made me even more furious. 

I was controlling everything until he decided to fight back. He stroke me right on the jaw and I fell on the groud. I stood up, not allowing myself to get beaten by him another time. I grabbed his throat until his face turned red. I swear that for a moment, I just just wanted to kill me. Something inside of me told me to stop and my thoughts drifted to my father. Don't Harry. Don't. Not again. 

I hit him back in the jaw and he fell on the ground. I looked at Jamie and couldn't read the look on her face. My vision was blurry and I just wanted to run away.

"Harry..."

"Stop" I cut her off. I knew what was going to come out but I couldn't stop myself. The feelings were too strong, too painful. "Don't fucking try to explain whatever happened Jamie, I don't even want to know. You think you're different and that's what I thought. But clearly, you're not. You're like all the others. You can't fucking play me around and try to get my compassion. I was trusting you Jamie, but clearly you didn't fucking deserve that. You didn't deserve my fucking love." 

"Harry let me explain" That jerk stood up and started laughing.

"Really Jamie? You want to explain it to him? Remember what I said. You two are pathetic."

"Yes you're right" I said. "We were fucking pathetic, but there's nothing between us. Absolutely nothing." I didn't mean anything I said, but I just wanted to hurt her. For some stupid reasons, I wanted her to feel my pain. The tears in her eyes showed me that she did feel a small bit of that pain. 

I was expecting her to at least try to tell me something, but nothing came out. She just stood there, crying, probably just because she was ashamed. She seemed scared and I couldn't quite tell if it was because of me. Of course I was upset, but I'd ever hurt her. That was crazy. 

Instead of standing there waiting for an answer, I left. I didn't want to hear from her ever again.

JAMIE'S POV

After what seemed like hours, Harry left. I couldn't move. I wanted to explain every single thing to him but I couldn't, I was so scared. I knew that Harry was going to jump on Brandon but he was already bleeding a lot and I didn't want him to get hurt. Even though I knew he already was... 

Every single word he said broke my heart. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. As soon as Harry left, Brandon came closer and grabbed my arm. For a moment, I realized that this guy is completely ruining me. He broke me years ago and today, he is still taking everything I have.

"Don't touch me." I said, pulling him away.

"I'm sorry angel, he is a jerk..." he said, pulling me closer to him.

"Would you fucking stop?!" I was out of my mind. "This guy is far from being a jerk. I'm in love with him Brandon! You know back then when you raped me?"

"Don't use that word" he cut me.

"I can use any word I want. It's absolutely what happened Brandon, you raped me. You're a rapist you know that? You didn't only steal my virginity, you stole my will to live. I was depressed and I just wanted to die. It took me exactly 5 months to stop crying every single day over this. I had nightmares about it during more than a year. I didn't let anyone touch or come near me. I had to move because the memories were too painful! Today, years ago, I finally stopped thinking about it all the time. I finally started thinking that I was worth living and that I could open up to someone and that someone is him! He took me out of the mess you've made! You destroyed someone Brandon, and I have no fucking idea how you can live with that fucking idea." For once in my life, he was speechless. He didn't cut me. He just stood there, listening to me carefully. It was the push I needed to keep going. "You know what? I'm not scared of you anymore because you can't break me more than what you did before. I'm done with you and I'm not leaving anymore, you will. Now, I'm going to go see him and I'll tell him every single thing. If you dare touch or approach him I swear I'll call the police. I don't love you anymore and you won't fucking control my life, you hear me?" I was out of breath and I literally thought that I was going to faint. 

"I'm sorry" he said, before turning around and leaving. 

I couldn't believe what just happened. I stood up in front of my worst nightmare. I fell on the ground and started crying. For once in my life, I wasn't crying because over him. They were tears of relief. I felt so good without that gigantic weight on my shoulders. 

I stood there crying during what seemed like hours until he crossed my mind. 

I had to go see Harry. 

_______

Hello ! 

Hope you liked the chapter cause I loved writing it! I even shed a tear haha! Big step for Jamie. 

Thanks for your reads, votes and comments. Still can't believe I reached 7k. That's insane. 

Thank you all ! 

Aly, x