Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 44

JAMIE'S POV

When I woke up the next day, I was alone. Without Harry I didn't only feel alone, I felt lost. In his arms, I felt secure and complete. But today, I had to be alone. I had to face him no matter what.

Of course Harry is helping me with everything I have to go through, but I feel like I need to do this alone. I have to prove myself that I can be strong enough to face my own demons. It's going to be hard, but I can do it. I'm done with this and I want to forget it. It can't haunt me forever cause it's going to kill me.

I'm in love with Harry and my feeling are growing stronger everyday. I want to give him everything I have and I won't be able to do it if I can't forget about what happened to me. I want to find a way to trust Harry because he deserves it.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I flinched. I was hoping that Harry's name was going to light on the screen.

Hey love, hope you slept well. It's beautiful outside, maybe you want to go for a picnic with me?

YES. Yes I wanted, more than anything. But I couldn't and pushing Harry away was breaking my heart.

I'm sorry Harry, I can't see you today. Tomorrow?

That's fine yes. What are your plans today?

I'm probably the worst liar in the whole world and I had no idea how I was going to cover up my .... meeting with Brandon.

My brother is coming in town :-)

I'd love to meet him ;-)

Harry... I really miss him and I want to spend the day with him, okay? I'm going to introduce you another day, promise.

I know it's fine I was kidding! Alright then. Have a really good day. Take care.

Thanks. You too.

It was hard, but easier than what I expected. Usually, Harry arugue way more before giving up and I was glad that today, it wasn't the case.

Brandon told me to be at the park at 12. He invited me to his place but I said no. I was too scared and didn't want to see him in private. He asked me what I wanted to do but I had no idea. What do people usually do with their rapist? Nothing, right. That's why I asked him to come to the park. We could just sit down and talk about whatever he wanted to talk about. By the end of the day I just wanted to get rid of him. Forever.

I sat on a bench and waited awkwardly for him to arrive. I was frightened and shaking. I had to pull myself together or I wouldn't be able to face him.

"Hi Angel." he said on his usual intimidating tone. He looked calm and I had to admit that he was good looking. I already knew that. He was charming and that's why he trapped me so easily.

"Hi. What do you want to talk about?" I asked, trying to control myself. I was strong. I could do this.

"Don't rush things, you know how much I hate it" he said, winking and putting his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to vomit. I was trying to pull myself together again but honestly, that was too much. He was disgusting.

"Stop this Brandon." I said, trying to sound convincing.

"What angel? I'm serious. I love to take my time." he said, still smiling. That was way too much.

"Really Brandon? That's why you took advantage of me? You took everything I had but it's done now! I changed. The "Jamie" you knew doesn't exist anymore. When you had sex with me without my consent, that old Jamie died and I want to thank you for this. I'm way stronger now and I'm glad to say that I'm proud of who I am! Please, leave me alone because I have nothing to give you anymore. I gave you everything I had back in the days, but now sit's done." I couldn't believe that it came out of my mouth, but I was proud of me. I meant every single word. Of course everything he did broke me, but I know that I'm a better person now.

"I'm sorry" I couldn't talk anymore. Of all the things I was expecting him to say, I never thought that he was going to apologize. "I know that you loved me and I didn't act properly. Would you take me back? Please, I changed too I promise." He said. I was speechless. The worst thing is that he looked sincere. I didn't quite know what to say and I thought I was dreaming. Without warning, he took my head in his hands and kissed me. I was shocked and not able to move. I was scared of his reaction. I didn't kiss him back though, not at all.

"Brandon" I said, standing up slowly. "We can't do that okay? I just"

"Is it because of him?" he cut me.

"No ! Not at all ! " I lied. Of course I couldn't kiss him because of Harry, but I also didn't want to kiss him.

"I'm sure it's because of that fucking bastard." he was getting furious and that was scaring me. "I want to see you again Jamie. I'll prove to you that I'm worth trying again."

"I don't want to Brandon. I got over you..." I said, trying to walk away.

"You got over the old me." he said, grabbing my arm. "I want to start all over again with you okay? I can't stop thinking about you."

"Me neither, but in a wrong way. You hurt me Brandon and I need to get over it." I tried not to let the tears fall down, but it was way too hard.

"I know that I hurt you and I just want to fucking help you with that. I'm the one who hurt you so I have the right to fix you. That stupid jerk can't do that cause you're mine and you've always been. You know what I could do to him Jamie and I don't want it to happen you understand? For that, you need to cooperate."

HARRY'S POV

-- Sooner that day--

I had to spend the whole day without Jamie and I knew that it was going to be a long and boring day. I was glad that she was seeing her brother because I knew how much she was missing him.

The weather was still fucking amazing so I decided to go for a run. I always do that when Jamie isn't around. It's my small rush of adrenaline when she's not there. I put my headphones on and run as fast as I can until I can't feel my legs. Today, I felt so fucking good and I knew that it was going to be an amazing run.

As I ran past the park, I thought I saw Jamie. I see that girl fucking everywhere and it's making me crazy. She makes me crazy. Crazy in love maybe.

As I got closer, I understood that I was not fucking crazy, it was Jamie. I stopped for a moment and saw another guy sitting next to her, probably her brother. They were in a pretty intense conversation. I looked at her brother and damn, he didn't look like Jamie at all. I don't blame him, she's way too pretty ; no one can be as perfect as her.

I remembered what she told me : I want to spend the day with him. That's why I decided to keep running. As I was about to leave, I saw Jamie and "her brother" kissing. Not the kind of kiss you give to your brother or your sister. A real fucking kiss. For a moment, I thought I was going to explose even though I couldn't even move. For a moment, I couldn't even feel my heart beating. For a moment, I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs so the world could hear my pain. I had no idea how to handle that pain. It was worse than everything I ever felt before.

She fucking kissed another man in front of me.

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Finally an update !!

Sorry guys for the wait, Hope you liked the chapter !

I'm starting to dedicate chapters to some of you.. cause I feel like it ! Most of you are supporting me so much and it's a small way of telling you how thankful I am. First dedication is for my first true reader who helped me so much. I can now say that you're not only a reader, but a friend to me !

I love you all !

Aly, x